- Japanese Reporter: I got pictures of your spaceship.
- Tom Servo: MY spaceship. When we bought it it was OUR spaceship.
- Tom Servo: [English accent] Thomas was very cross with Japan and felt he must resort to carpet bombing.
- [At seeing a building with an image of Hitler on it blown up]
- Crow: What? What!
- Tom Servo: They blew up the Hitler building! Where's everybody gonna go to see Hitler memorabilia?
- Crow: All the Hitler rides and games! The Hitler salt and pepper shakers!
- Mike Nelson: That great restaurant, "The Bunker"! It's gone, you son of a...
- Crow: You blew it up!
- Mike Nelson: You know, I wish the running would never stop. I mean it. I simply can't get enough shots of these kids running! Really! Literally, there is no limit to how much I wanna see of this!
- Crow T. Robot: Just a little sarcastic, maybe, Mike?
- Mike Nelson: Eh, just a touch, I guess.
- Tom Servo: Do any of these kids have names?
- Mike Nelson: Well, they're so distinct... I don't think there's any reason to give them names.
- Crow: [discussing stock footage of a building with Hitler's likeness being blown up] Say Mike, was there a Hitler building where you grew up?
- Mike Nelson: Not, um... No. No, no.
- Crow: Sure?
- Mike Nelson: No.
- Tom Servo: [getting frustrated with the movie] You know, I think this is gonna become "The Magnificent Ambersons". In fact, it is "The Magnificent Ambersons"! Right now, it is! You see it, guys? Huh? Huh? The family, riding in a sleigh? "There it is: Amberson Mansion. Pride of the town." "Hot and cold running water?" "Upstairs and down." Oh, it's not working, you guys. It's not "The Magnificent Ambersons"! I don't even *like* "The Magnificent Ambersons"!
- Tom Servo: [Watching the opening credits] Well, if it's not too much trouble, could someone ritual seppuku right now please?
- [after "Invasion of the Neptune Men" finally ends]
- Mike Nelson: Brought to you by "The League of Psychotic Children: Surround yourself with annoying, shrill voiced children".
- Crow T. Robot: You know, maybe the Japanese didn't really know they were making a film per se. Maybe... maybe they thought there were working in a different medium. Like fabric sculpture, or something.
- Tom Servo: Hey, you know, Space Chief should really try going up into SPACE sometime.
- Crow T. Robot: Yeah, he's more like "Lower Atmosphere Chief."
- Mike Nelson: "Barely-Off-The-Stupid-Ground Chief."
- Tom Servo: Oragami!
- Mike Nelson: What?
- Tom Servo: Oragami's Japanese, right? I like Oragami. Well, maybe "like" is too strong a word. I mean, I don't mind it... Ah, Hell, I hate it. Folding paper is STUPID! STUPID!
- Crow T. Robot: You sure turned on that pretty quickly.
- Mike Nelson: [the aliens begin demolishing buildings] Man, they really got hosed on that whole barrier deal. I hope they bought the service contract.
- Crow T. Robot: You know, I am starting to get a sense of Space Chief's ultimate vulnerability, though.
- Tom Servo: I think we're gonna hear a deft and poetic monologue from Space Chief about his loneliness.
- [during a lengthy shot of a radar screen]
- Crow T. Robot: You know, not many movies can support a full minute of looking at a radar screen. For example, *this* one can't, at all.
- [the Neptunians stumble around the space ship]
- Tom Servo: Geez, they're making the chicken men of Krankor look super competent and dignified.
- Mike Nelson: [as doctors Tanigawa and Tachibana exchange glaces with each other when the kids barge into the press conference] Get the cane
- Mike Nelson: [Listening to the opening theme] Sounds like the Little Rascals are going to be in this
- Crow: So, d - do either of you guys know any songs about stock footage that could get us through this?
- Tom Servo: Oh! I know a song about stock footage; goes like this: Bada-bada-da-da... EAT IT, MOVIE!
- Crow: Woah! Woah! Woah!
- Tom Servo: TAKE THIS STUPID LITTLE COCKROACH OF A FILM...
- Crow: Mike, Mike, Mike...? Get...
- Tom Servo: ROLL IT UP SOOOO TIGHT...
- Mike Nelson: All right...
- Tom Servo: AND RAM IT RIGHT UP...
- [starts sobbing]
- Mike Nelson: [consoling Tom] All right! All right, all right, it's okay, you're okay, it's all right.
- Mike Nelson: You know Krankor, I want you to leave.
- Krankor: Oh, do you? Well, you may be interested to know that I have already conquered your puny satellite and that you have no defense against me.
- Mike Nelson: Ahh.
- Krankor: [terrified] : Oh, please don't hurt me. Don't hit, don't hit.