- Mike Nelson: [the sheriff in Laserblast bears a striking resemblance to Hank Williams Jr] Look, are you READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?
- Mike Nelson: Man, I've gotta go home and get READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!
- Crow T. Robot: Let's find out of he's READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!
- Mike Nelson: What do we got, another citizen who isn't READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!
- Crow T. Robot: Anyway, all my rowdy friends are coming over later.
- Crow T. Robot: I just feel like you're not ready for some football.
- Tom Servo: Anything you say can be used to get you READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!
- Tom Servo: I'm not ready for football anymore.
- Tom Servo: [Sheriff is cracking open a Coke bottle] Hey, he knows how to use a Coke!
- Mike Nelson: [In tune with old Coca-Cola jingle] I'd like to teach the world to GET READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!
- Mike Nelson: I wonder what the flaw was that kept Leonard Maltin from giving this film the full three stars.
- [a car radio plays a generic rock song]
- Mike Nelson: I'm pretty sure this is the long version of whatever song this is.
- Crow T. Robot: I think they were going for a 'Touch of Evil' feel, but they got a touch of somethin' else.
- Mike Nelson: [thinking he's Captain Janeway] Mr. Cambot, red alert. Mr. Gypsy, you're with me. Mr. Servo, you have the con. Alright, what we need to do is...
- [he walks off]
- Tom Servo: What's he doing with my toy phone?
- Crow T. Robot: Uh, I... I dunno, but don't bother him. Sure, he's gone totally mental, but... look how poised he is. How confident.
- [He growls seductively]
- Tom Servo: You know, you're right. And he has the subtle allure of a woman in the full flower of early middle age.