- Fran Fine: Come on, kids, Royal Flush is on!
- Grace Sheffield: I wanted to see Full House.
- Fran Fine: No sweetie, royal flush beats a full house every time.
- Fran Fine: [entering kitchen, somewhat flustered] How do you become a full-fledged moron by 12?
- Chastity Claire 'C.C.' Babcock: [curious] Who are you talking about?
- Fran Fine: [referring to Jack, the child star] Oh, that Walker kid. The eighth dwarf; Horny.
- Chastity Claire 'C.C.' Babcock: [misunderstanding Fran] I love Johnnie Walker... I mean Jack Daniels... I mean Jack Walker.
- Niles: [to Fran about C.C] Ever since Rob Roy and Tom Collins left her it's all been a blur.
- Chastity Claire 'C.C.' Babcock: [about an actor] You see Maxwell, if we've got Jack, we've got a success. I will bet my reputation on it.
- Niles: Oh sorry, there's a five dollar minimum.
- Grace Sheffield: [to Jack Walker] Fran and I already went through your luggage.
- Fran Fine: Sweetie, we were just playing Midnight Express.
- Niles: How's your pudding Miss Babcock?
- Chastity Claire 'C.C.' Babcock: It's delicious, why?
- Niles: [looks at the bottle of milk] Just as I thought, these expiration dates are meaningless.
- [C.C. suddenly realizes what Niles meant and is shocked]
- Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: [watching Royal Flush] What happens to the cute little one?
- Grace Sheffield: She gets a breast reduction and goes to Yale.