- Major Dorden: Your whole plan rests on this guy believing that you're both Marines.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We have it under control, Major. She'll do fine.
- Major Dorden: Well, then I'll just stay and help out. There's nothing wrong with another set of eyeballs.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not a good idea. The best thing you can do is leave this to us.
- Major Dorden: I lost two of my men to this psycho. You really think I'm passing up on a chance for payback?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Major, your mission is to protect our country. Our mission right now is to protect you and your Marines. Allow us the honor of doing our job.
- [Gibbs has three ex-wives]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey, DiNozzo, kinda reminds me of your apartment. 'Cept for that minty fresh urine smell.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: For your information, I have a maid now.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You can afford a maid?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's amazing what you can do when you don't have to pay three alimonies.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Just tell me he's wearing his vest.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: ...He said it was visible under his shirt.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I knew it! If the sniper doesn't kill him, I will.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Floors are scummy.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I would have taken the floor.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No. You would have made some comment about sexism in the workplace.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I'll do it.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Nah, you're just humouring me.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You think his recruiter told him a fast one?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I doubt it.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Can you imagine someone lying to Gibbs and getting away with it?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [as he finishes setting up the sensors] You know if this works, Abs, you're a genius.
- Abby Sciuto: Oh Tony, tell me something I *don't* know.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I once dated my high school music teacher.
- Abby Sciuto: Really? What was his name?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [fake chuckle] Cute.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Next time drive a little faster, Tony. I think my glands have an ounce of adrenaline left.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Response to a crime scene investigation demands a timely arrival, Kate.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: It would help if the investigators didn't PUKE all over the crime scene.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Brings back memories.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Memories of what?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Marriage.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [searching a warehouse] Where the hell's the bullet? It's like it just disappeared.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'm gonna need you on your knees over here, Kate. It's time to get dirty.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: *What*?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We have to sweep the floor for marks. It may have lost velocity and dropped.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Right... I-I knew that.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Can we hurry it up. Don't think Gunnery Sergeant Alvarez would appreciate being seen like this.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: You *knew* the man?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope.
- [Gibbs walks away. Ducky talks to the corpse]
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: If it's any consolation, Gunny, Gibbs is the absolute *best* we have.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why are all these dolls... naked?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Don't ask me, Boss. Must be a Goth thing.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: We can get the trajectory, no problem.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The competition's gonna be for the bullet.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I don't think the unfortunate Staff Sergeant Allen isn't going to be much use there. The bullet passed clean through.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Then I suggest we help our "good friends", the FBI, find it. Tony, make a hole.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [to Ducky] Scalpel.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kate, find the bullet.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, you think I could pass for a marine?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't know, let's shave your head and find out.
- Carl: That's not how they do it on CSI.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You really need to get off that couch more, Carl.
- Abby Sciuto: [Abby having just found a bullet in a doll's head] Ah-ha!
- [Imitating Ducky]
- Abby Sciuto: Gerald? To Abby, please.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Does Ducky know you do that?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [up on a telephone pole] Gibbs gets dress blue charlies, I look like one of the Village People.
- Abby Sciuto: Ha-ha. Maybe you could find a local cop and get a dance rountine goin'.
- [last lines]
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You know Abby said you looked really great in uniform, too.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Did she?
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Yeah, you'd fit right in with the Biker Boy, the Indian Chief, the Cowboy and the other Macho, Macho Men...
- [reviewing Alvarez' complaint file]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You'll like this one, Boss. One guy wanted to be a paramedic, so Alvarez guaranteed him the Corps would train him to save lives.
- [Gibbs and Tony share a laugh]
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What's wrong with that?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The Marine Corps doesn't have medical personnel.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: They're all Navy.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Technically, it is correct. I mean, Marines do save lives - mostly through the use of superior firepower.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh boy! We've got a *major* problem!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What do you see?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: A shooter who is highly intelligent, and methodical. Out of a thousand bricks on this wall, he only removed the one he needed.
- [watching Kate and Tony search the warehouse]
- Carl: That's not how they do it on CSI.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You really need to get off that couch more, Carl.