- Jimmy Napolitano: And Gibbs, you hurt my boy, I'll kill your brothers, your uncles, your father. And after their funerals I'll kill you.
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No brothers, no uncles, my father passed years ago. I do have three ex-wives, whose names and addresses I will *gladly* fax on to you.
- [Jimmy hangs up the phone]
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Booh, he hung up.
- Agent Charles: You can't threaten to kill someone in custody, Gibbs.
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It wasn't a threat.
- [Ducky is talking to his current cadaver; he is annoyed with Jimmy, who has just left]
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: He means well. But often I have an overwhelming urge to slap him. Is that wrong?
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering the morgue] Do it all the time.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [chuckling] So I've noticed. But, only on the back of the head.
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Slap at the face would be humiliating. Back of the head's a wake-up call.
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [looking down at corpse] Looks like he got both.
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Why is NCIS interested in Vic Gera, Gibbs?
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Who said we were interested in him?
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You ran his prints through AFIS. Where did you get them?
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: He gave them to us.
- Agent Charles: You have him in custody?
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Technically speaking.
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Anyone ever tell you you were an insufferable bastard?
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [looking pleased] Yeah.
- Tony DiNozzo: [checking on McGee after Kate kicks him in the groin during training] Oh, she had three older brothers growing up. I think there's some unresolved issues there
- Timothy McGee: *You think*?
- [Gibbs and DiNozzo are boxing in the training ring]
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not bad, DiNozzo.
- DiNozzo: Thanks! You learn how to box in the Marines?
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. Corps doesn't teach boxing.
- DiNozzo: [laughing] That's your loss.
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [after flooring Tony] They teach *fighting*.
- [Kate and Tony go undercover at a paternity clinic posing as a trashy couple]
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: You writin' my name, right?
- Tony DiNozzo: What? I just wanna know if it's mine.
- [to nurse]
- Tony DiNozzo: She kinda sleeps around a lot, if you know what I mean.
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: If I did, it's cuz he ain't any good in bed.
- Tony DiNozzo: Least I didn't sleep with my cousin.
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: You slept with my sister!
- Tony DiNozzo: I thought it was you!
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: She weighs 300 pounds!
- Tony DiNozzo: She was wearing your earrings.
- Nurse Wells: That's enough! If you two can't be civil, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Look, is there anywhere I can wait away from him? Please? I'm beggin' you.
- Nurse Wells: There's an empty exam room behind you two doors on the right.
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Thank you.
- [She flings her gum at Tony as she leaves]
- Tony DiNozzo: I'm sorry. She slept with my brother. And my best friend. At the same time.
- [Gibbs slaps Tony's head, after telling him he wouldn't]
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's no fun if you know it's coming.
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Jimmy Naps is going to a lot of trouble to frame you, Tobias. Why now?
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: He knew I was vulnerable.
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Vulnerable, how?
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Ari.
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [wry laugh] You're laying this on me, huh?
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: I arranged your meeting with him, Jethro. He's our only agent inside al-Qaeda. And what did you do? You shot him.
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I could have killed him. Putting a round in his shoulder helped sell his cover to al-Qaeda.
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Wow, I thought you were the only one who could piss him off like that.
- DiNozzo: You never met his second wife.
- Gunnery Sergeant. John Deluca: [to Tony, after a run-in with Gibbs] Is there some secret to getting on his good side?
- DiNozzo: Oh, there's no secret.
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: He doesn't have one.
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Agent Charles, can you get me the Bureau file on Fornell?
- Agent Charles: I haven't even seen it.
- [Gibbs turns and looks at him]
- Agent Charles: If I get caught, I'm finished as a federal agent.
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't get caught.
- Agent Timothy McGee: [observing Kate stretch out] Wow, she's pretty flexible.
- DiNozzo: Just don't let her catch you looking at her, Probie
- Agent Timothy McGee: [Kate smiles at McGee] Think she saw me. She gave me that look.
- DiNozzo: What look?
- Agent Timothy McGee: Look she's always giving you.
- DiNozzo: [Tony looks at Kate] Yep, she saw you. Hope you wore a cup.
- [last lines]
- Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [dumbfounded at what they are witnessing, DiNozzo, Todd, and McGee watch a "dead" agent get into the elevator. They look at Gibbs] What?
- Tony DiNozzo: Eeesh! Shot, throat slit, frozen, and burned? Jimmy Naps definitely didn't like this dude.
- [Just after his men find a skeleton half-buried in the ground, Deluca hears a whistling sound and sees an unexploded bomb in the nearby car]
- Gunnery Sergeant. John Deluca: Evac! Go, go, go, go!
- [He grabs a piece of the skeleton and runs, before the explosion knocks them all to the ground. He looks at what he managed to grab]
- Gunnery Sergeant. John Deluca: Well, at least I get to give Gibbs the finger.
- [first lines]
- Pilot: Charlie Six, this is Viper One One.
- Captain Chet Starling: Viper One One, cleared hot.
- Pilot: Solid copy, Charlie Six. Cleared hot.
- Corporal Stinson: Call it off! Call it off!
- Captain Chet Starling: Abort! Abort! Abort!
- Corporal Stinson: There's someone in the hot zone!