- DiNozzo: [about to enter and arrest a suspected murderer] Just stay behind me and follow my lead.
- Special Agent Ziva David: I'm not a probie, Tony. I have been in a few of these situations.
- DiNozzo: Not with me.
- Special Agent Ziva David: So? I have not had sex with you either. Would that make me a virgin?
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: The boys down at tech call her "Energizer Abby". She needs an assistant.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: She works her best alone. Something you should ask her about.
- [Ziva and Tony are eating Chinese takeout at his desk]
- DiNozzo: Chow's gettin' cold, McGee.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: No time. I have to find where all this "Naughty Naughty Neighbors" website money went, because if I don't, Gibbs might actually decide to kill me this time.
- DiNozzo: He has an excellent point.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: This doesn't make sense. They made almost $500,000, it can't just disappear.
- Special Agent Ziva David: [brings a takeout carton to his desk] Money changes hands, McGee. Rarely does it disappear.
- [interviewing "Naughty Naughty Neighbors" webmaster, who lives in his mother's basement]
- DiNozzo: [holding back laughter] Is your mother wondering why we're here?
- Carter Finch: ...I kind of told her this was for a job interview.
- [Tony and Ziva both crack up laughing]
- DiNozzo: I'll be in the car!
- DiNozzo: [Walking into the Carr house for the first time] Ooh. It looks like I walked into page 8 of the IKEA catalog.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [striding into Abby's lab] What do you have, Abbs?
- Abby Sciuto: Um, a PhD in porn? I spent the last six hours searching through webcam files trying to find a lead and I have consumed more porn than Tony has in his entire lifetime.
- [pause]
- Abby Sciuto: 'K, maybe not, but I have watched a *lot* of smut.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You learn anything?
- Abby Sciuto: I'm not nearly as flexible as I should be.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [patented Gibbs stare] Anything about the case?
- Abby Sciuto: Right. I was getting to that.
- Charles 'Chip' Sterling: Ms. Sciuto?
- Abby Sciuto: [taken by surprise] Whoa! That was quieter than Gibbs!
- DiNozzo: Never kick a probie when he's down, Ziva.
- Special Agent Ziva David: I thought the expression was dog.
- DiNozzo: It's the same difference.
- DiNozzo: We broke up.
- Special Agent Ziva David: Why?
- DiNozzo: Apparently, her husband didn't think it was a good idea.