- Gomez Addams: So, Pugsley, my son, what's all this I hear about you being in love?
- Wednesday Addams: [Grandma and Uncle Fester are surprised. Pusgley throws an accusing look at Wednesday] I had to tell them, they refused to drag it out of me.
- Katie Haskell: [gasps] Your wife!
- Gomez Addams: Just pretend she isn't there.
- Katie Haskell: But I thought Mrs. Addams was dead. You said she was in the cemetary, in a coffin.
- Gomez Addams: But she was.
- Gomez Addams: What did Pugsley do this time, dynamite the seesaw?
- Morticia Addams: No, this time it's serious. Principal Mason and Miss Haskell are coming right over.
- Gomez Addams: Will the police be joining us?
- Morticia Addams: I don't think so.
- Gomez Addams: Too bad. Last time they brought their handcuffs.
- Morticia Addams: Gomez, I'm leaving this house and taking the children with me!
- Gomez Addams: Go ahead and leave. Take the children, the neighbor's children! Take Mama!
- Morticia Addams: [frowning slightly] She's your Mama.
- Gomez Addams: Very well, we'll share custody. But I get Lurch.
- Granmama Addams: Badminton, anyone?
- Gomez Addams: Prepare to meet your doom...
- Granmama Addams: Promises, promises.
- Granmama Addams: Who's your flame, what's her name?
- Pugsley Addams: It's a secret!
- Gomez Addams: Not even a teenager and already hiding things from your parents. I'm proud of you.
- Katie Haskell: Mr. Addams, maybe I should read you Pugsley's letter. Although I have to admit, some parts are rather embarrassing.
- Gomez Addams: Great, read those first.