- The Burglar: Who decorated this place, Martha Stewart's undertaker?
- Morticia Addams: Why yes, he does nice work, doesn't he?
- Gomez Addams: How's Halloween dinner, mama?
- Grandmama Addams: The last time I saw him: hairy and angry.
- Pugsley Addams: [after handing over their candy to a bully] What a jerk.
- Wednesday Addams: Yes, I liked him too.
- Ed: Come on, dad, say the words. Those three little words that I've been wanting to hear all my life...
- The Burglar: Okay: you were adopted.