- Uncle Fester: Why would she be disappointed, Lurch? She may not be getting a millionaire, but she's getting a liar.
- Morticia Addams: Why can't she have both?
- Gomez Addams: Capital idea!
- Uncle Fester: I'm Fester, IRS.
- Lizzy: IRS?
- Uncle Fester: I'm here to audit Mr. Lurch.
- Lizzy: Audit?
- Uncle Fester: Don't argue with me!
- Uncle Fester: [Lurch has received a postcard] What is it, Lurch, is it good news? Is it a death threat? Blackmail demands? Huh? Huh?