- Dave: All right, now, I want you to look around. Not over there, over here, Max. Max, I want you to look. See? Here's... Here we have Lisa, who, uh, today very nearly gave up a career in journalism for a life in the fast food industry. Over here we have, uh, Beth, who, uh, dresses like a barmaid from "Blade Runner." Mr. James, a billionaire who has spent the entire day eating food he knows for a fact to be spoiled. Joe, who's earned upwards of 11 dollars working as an amateur surveillance expert. Albeit, half of that is Monopoly money. And, of course, Matthew, who appears to have taken the surveillance into his own hands.
- Dave: Max, everyone is just a little bit weird.
- Max: I collect buttons.
- Dave: That sounds like a normal hobby.
- Max: And rubber bands. I put peanut butter on absolutely everything, even steak.
- Dave: Well, it's an acquired taste, but it's hardly...
- Max: I still have the sweater my mother knitted for me when I was a baby.
- Dave: That's sweet.
- Max: ...and I'm wearing it right now.
- [Lisa wants to go undercover]
- Dave: Look Lisa, you've never done undercover work before. It's too dangerous.
- Lisa Miller: Well if you ask me, this place could use a little bit of danger.
- Dave: Fine, I'll get Matthew to replace the fluorescent light bulbs again.
- Dave: Hey Joe, any luck?
- Joe: No. And I talked to the guards downstairs in the lobby and he hasn't passed through, so he's still in the building.
- Dave: That's so ODD.
- Matthew: No, Dave, it isn't odd, it is reality, and you'd better buckle your seatbelt, because reality SUCKS!
- Dave: Ever been bitch-slapped?
- [Mr. James talks Dave into letting Lisa go undercover]
- Dave: Mr. James, why are you so gung ho about this?
- Jimmy James: Because investigative reporting is the lifesblood of American journalism. Besides, I lost my golf date this afternoon so I'm kinda bored.