- Bill: [singing to the tune of Yankee Doodle] William Clinton came to town, riding on inflation. / Took a town named Whitewater, introduced it to our nation.
- Andrea: Actually, I brought Steve over to help you, Dave.
- Dave Nelson: Oh, so he's going to assist me.
- Andrea: [laughing] That's a cute way of putting it.
- Dave Nelson: Bill, I would like you to meet Steve Johnson.
- Bill: Hi, Steve.
- Steve Johnson: [stretches out his hand to Bill] Hello, Bill.
- [Bill punches out Steve]
- Dave Nelson: That was your plan?
- Bill: I panicked.
- Dave Nelson: Yeah, well, you can't just...
- Bill: I only did it for you, Dave.
- Dave Nelson: Yeah, that's what John Hinckley said.
- Bill: Which reminds me of a little song...
- Dave Nelson: Don't!
- Dave Nelson: Exactly what kind of career do you have lined up, anyway?
- Bill: Let's just say I'm puttin' together an act.
- Dave Nelson: Bill, I thought your whole life was an act.
- Dave Nelson: Why is it that everyone's solution to everything around here is some sort of covert plan?
- Joe Garrelli: That's a secret.
- Joe Garrelli: [as Beth takes down a photo of Matthew as employee of the month] This is so depressing.
- Dave Nelson: Yeah - well, Joe, if I remember correctly, that's what you said when we put that photo up.
- Dave Nelson: That's a very cunning plan, but now is not the time for cunning plans or crazy capers.
- Lisa Miller: Dave, you never want cunning plans or crazy capers.
- Dave Nelson: Bill, I have asked you, I have begged you, now I am ordering you. Get that piano out of here. And Matthew, if you don't get out of this building right now, I will call security!
- [Matthew comes out from behind a plant and runs away]
- Bill: [singing to Oh Susanna] Oh, Joe Camel, don't you cry for me / You gave my uncle cancer, but you'll pay the lawyer's fee.
- Jimmy James: These guys - they have done documentaries about *all* the heavy hitters. Talkin' about, uh... y'know, Ted Turner, Bill Gates, Rupert Murdoch, Bruce Wayne...
- Dave Nelson: Sir, Bruce Wayne is Batman.
- Jimmy James: Ssshh!
- Bill: [singing] Silent night, religious right / Jesse Helms sleeps tonight. - Everybody!
- Lisa Miller, Beth, Dave Nelson: [singing] Something something...
- Bill: [singing] Madeline Albright.