- Jimmy: I mean, what was Bill thinking? Isn't he worried about being sued for libel?
- Lisa Miller: Aren't you?
- Jimmy: Nope. Read Bill's contract.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I'm a comedian. Nobody cares what I think about serious issues. I don't even care what I think about serious issues.
- Dave: When, uh, Bill and Lisa combine their energies, their, uh... powers of persuasion go up fivefold.
- Jimmy: Y'know, Dave, really, I - I appreciate your Dungeons and Dragons approach to office management, but I left my twelve-sided dice at home so I'll just, uh... I'll just tell 'em, alright?
- Dave: Alright... Godspeed, fair wizard.
- Bill McNeal: [seeing Jerry Seinfeld at a nearby table] Go ask him to do our show.
- Lisa Miller: I think we have to go through his agent or something, Bill.
- Bill McNeal: Hey - did Edward R. Murrow go through an agent when he interviewed... whatever famous person *he* interviewed?
- Joe Garrelli: Have you even made out with a chick?
- Matthew Brock: Lots of times. I've had some sex, just not final sex. I mean, I've gotten close.
- Joe Garrelli: How close?
- [Matthew puts his hands about two feet apart]
- Joe Garrelli: I have no idea what that means.
- [Positions his hands vertically]
- Joe Garrelli: Oh, now I get it.
- Jerry Seinfeld: How do I know you won't just chop it up and make me look foolish?
- Bill McNeal: Come on, Jerry, you know me.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Again, Bill, no I don't.
- Matthew Brock: Everyone, I've decided to not have sex with Irene.
- Dave: Well, that is a decision only you can make, and by that I mean that is a decision only *you* can make.
- Jimmy: You're not a member of a cult or anything, are you?
- Matthew Brock: No, nothing like that.
- Jimmy: Well, then maybe you should join one.
- Jerry Seinfeld: You two must be pretty desperate.
- Bill McNeal: Please, we'll do anything you say. You name it.
- Jerry Seinfeld: For starters, you can get your hand off my salad.
- Joe Garrelli: Dude, there is only one way to deal with a woman like that.
- Matthew Brock: What's that?
- Joe Garrelli: You get down on your hands and knees and you beg her to have sex with you.
- Beth: He's right. Men get on their hands and knees for me all the time, and I don't look like that.
- Joe Garrelli: They have to get on their hands and knees just to look at you face to face.