- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: [Stating sarcastically after Roz's bully story] You know, why you're not writing for Sesame Street, I'll never know.
- Judge Casement: Anything else?
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: Yes. I would like to thank each of my friends for coming down here, and sticking up for me. Especially you, Roz.
- Rosalind Jane 'Roz' Russell: Beats sitting here listening to Harry.
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: I would also like to thank Mr. Johnson, and Mr. Wood, for teaching me a very important lesson. You see, all my life I wanted to be rich and important, like you. Even as a kid back in Louisiana, I would wear a tie while slopping hogs, pretending they were reporters, all clamoring to ask me questions about my latest courtroom triumph. I would graciously answer each in turn, until my bucket was empty and my tie was covered with pig phlegm. All those years ago, and then suddenly, I had the chance to become one of you! To my own surprise, I said no. Because I realized that, you're not better than the people I grew up with. You're not even better than the pigs.
- Bobby Johnson: [to Dan, laughing] We're gonna sue you blind, dude!
- Theodore Wood: Bobby, be quiet.
- Bobby Johnson: Aw, don't tell me to be quiet. I want you to hit this guy with papers, now!
- Theodore Wood: I said shut up!
- Bobby Johnson: Who do you think you're talking to, huh? Hey, maybe I'll go call my old man!
- Theodore Wood: Yeah, you do that, Bobby. And when you got him on the phone, you tell him I'm fed up bailing his snot-nosed son out of trouble!
- Bobby Johnson: What? Hey listen, pal, I don't need your...!
- Rosalind Jane 'Roz' Russell: [stands up and pushes him into a chair] Hey! Why don't we just let the nice man finish talking?
- [Bobby shuts up immediately]
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: [Carrying a box] I think you've met my office.
- Judge Harry T. Stone: He Fired You?
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: [Walking in and setting the box down] Oh No, nothing like that. He merely said I can't work here anymore.
- Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon: Whoa! Dodged a bullet there Dan!
- [Smiling with Two thumbs up]
- Mac Robinson: [Discussing Dan] We can't get ahold of him.
- Judge Harry T. Stone: Everytime I call him, I get the same message. "Hi, I'm Naked... Are You?"
- Rosalind Jane 'Roz' Russell: [Hand on Mac's shoulder stopping him from continuing his psychology rant of Dan] I'll go get Dan.
- Judge Harry T. Stone: Are you sure you don't want to stick around and testify?
- Rosalind Jane 'Roz' Russell: Nah, I don't have anything nice to say about him anyway.
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: You took for character witnesses, people who don't even know me!
- Judge Casement: They were all women you'd slept with.
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: That doesn't mean we would have actually spoken!
- Judge Casement: Fielding is still a slimball.
- Judge Harry T. Stone: [Harry nods with a smile] True, but he's a law-abiding slimeball.
- [Dad nods enphatically with a smile]