- [on a busy night at the hospital, a podiatrist is sent to Mac and Quon Le's hospital room, while she is in labor]
- Doctor Aidleman: Good lord, this woman is pregnant!
- Christine Sullivan: Oh, don't tell me you've never delivered a baby before?
- Doctor Aidleman: [sarcastic] Well, just how many people who *aren't* obstetricians have?
- [Raised hands from Christine, Harry, Mac, Bull, and Dan]
- Doctor Aidleman: What are you? Some kind of a cult?
- Dan Fielding: [about Mac's newborn baby] It's a girl, Mac.
- Court Clerk MacIntosh 'Mac' Robinson: It's a girl! Get away from my daughter, Dan.
- [swearing in a group of new citizens]
- Judge Harry Stone: You've all gone through a lot to reach here. You've learned our history, our culture, our secret handshake...
- [confused murmur]
- Judge Harry Stone: Well, you have learned our secret handshake, haven't you?
- [more confused murmuring]
- Judge Harry Stone: Ha-ha-ha! No, there's no secret handshake! I was just kidding!
- Clinton: I stuffed myself into the dashboard of a Datsun to get here, and he's *kidding*?
- Roz: It's his inalienable right to make an ass of himself.
- Vega: God, he's good!
- Roz: [Quon Le's in labour and ripped both of Roz's sleeves off] In about two minutes, I'm going to be completely naked.
- Roz: What do you do for a living?
- Clinton: Before I came to the US, president.
- Roz: Of what company?
- Clinton: I was president of my country.
- Roz: You were president of an entire country?
- Clinton: Until the revolution. Officially my title was President for Life, First Minister, Defender of the Constitution, Prince Regent, and Protector of the Realm.
- Roz: And now?
- Clinton: Night manager of a 7 Eleven.