Tony Randall: Felix Unger

Quotes 

• Oscar Madison : [after a fight with Howard Cosell, Oscar decides to write an unflattering column]  Here, read it.

  Felix Unger : What?

  Oscar Madison : Read it!

  Felix Unger : [reading]  An Open Apology to Howard Cosell. Dear Howard... I admit writing in the past columns that fans have called you, among other things, a babbling baboon, gentleman jerk, the mouth that roared, kid nausea, etc., etc. I must apologize. That's not true, Howie. That's not what the fans call you. That's what your friends call you! What the fans call you cannot be printed...