- Felix Unger: [when Oscar's mother presses him to get a nice girlfriend, Felix offers to find one for him] I've got a girl here.
- Oscar Madison: Oh, well I'll get out of here.
- Felix Unger: No, no... she's for you.
- Oscar Madison: Oh, for me?
- Felix Unger: Yeah.
- Oscar Madison: [he peeks through the kitchen shutters to see her reading a magazine in the living room] Hey, she's a doll!
- Felix Unger: She is a lady.
- Oscar Madison: Where'd you pick her up?
- Felix Unger: I didn't 'pick her up', as you so elegantly put it. I met her.
- Oscar Madison: Where?
- Felix Unger: [annoyed] What does it matter where I met her? I *met* her.
- Oscar Madison: If it doesn't matter, tell me where.
- Felix Unger: I met her at the doctor's office.
- Oscar Madison: What has she got?