- Narrator: Maybe the most dangerous thing of all was when my parents left me and my brother alone, without a babysitter, for the very first time.
- Charlotte Caraline Beene: OK, boys, there's a pot of chili on the stove. Be sure to turn it off when you're done. And remember to call the Super right away if you smell gas.
- [the boys can't help laughing]
- Charlotte Caraline Beene: Boys, grow up.
- Dr. Jerrimiah 'Jerry' Beene: Chili and gas. Hee hee hee hee.
- [the folks come home after a disastrous evening for them as well as for the boys]
- Dr. Jerrimiah 'Jerry' Beene: Hey, boys.
- Oliver David Beene: [nervously] Hi. How was dinner?
- Charlotte Caraline Beene: [equally nervously] Fine. Fine. How are things around here?
- Tayler 'Ted' Mark Beene: Fine.
- Oliver David Beene: Fine.
- Narrator: The word 'fine'. The greatest one-word lie there is.