- Christopher "Chris" Partridge #2: [Shirley tells kids she and her date got home late because she ran out of gas] I don't get it, what's so funny about running out of gas.
- Danny: You know about the birds and the bees?
- Christopher "Chris" Partridge #2: Kind of.
- Danny: Birds and bees run out of gas.
- Danny: I wonder if your going to college is such a good idea.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: I don't think a little psychology course is going to take up that much time.
- Danny: Well, campuses are a hotbed of radicals. I'm afraid you're going to get mixed up in some kind of protest march.
- Laurie Partridge: I thought you had to be over 30 to be that establishment.
- Keith: Maybe it's inches instead of years.