Quotes
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[Jeremy looks at Stu's muscular body]
Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover] Jesus. That's what a man should look like. Those arms. They're amazing. Like boughs of sturdy English oak. My God, if you had them wrapped round you, you'd just feel so safe.
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Jeremy Usborne : You've got to toughen up. This is the 21st century. You've seen Mad Max, haven't you? That's what's going to happen!
Mark Corrigan : Mad Max is not necessarily going to happen.
Jeremy Usborne : Oh, sure, mate. You live in your Hitchhikers' Guide world where you wander around in your dressing gown and have a nice cup of tea.
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[Jeremy has gone to Michelle's to have a threesome and unexpectedly finds Big Suze there, but it turns out she's only Michelle's new lodger and the person who's really going to join Michelle and Jeremy in the threesome is some frumpy, unfriendly woman who won't even speak to him]
Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover] I will have had a threesome. I will have had a threesome.
Big Suze : So, Jez. A threesome. That'll be nice. My friend Jen did a threesome once, she said she cried for about an hour afterwards but I'd still definitely like to try it sometime.
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Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover] Good old Michelle. Cold, but comforting. Kind of like a friendly Dalek.
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[Jeremy is doing food shopping while drunk. The checkout girl looks at him unimpressed as he puts down a crumpled beer can he's taken off a shelf and drunk]
Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover] God, I must look so cool to her. Like Pete Doherty or Bukowski. That's right, honey, I'm a street-fighting man. God, she's probably getting wet just looking at me.
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Kid at Chicken Corner : [Mark is meeting a couple of young lads who apparently know the guys that stole his Blackberry] Yeah, I might be able to help you.
Mark Corrigan : Oh, well, that would be fantastic, 'cause it actually belongs to my office...
Kid at Chicken Corner : It's going to cost you fifty quid though, mate.
Mark Corrigan : No.
Kid at Chicken Corner : [gets up to leave] Alright, see you later.
Mark Corrigan : Yes.
Kid at Chicken Corner : [sitting back down] Alright, 'kay, great, cool.
Mark Corrigan : [getting out his wallet and handing over cash] I mean, I think, I have to say this is a bit rich but I guess maybe there's certain administrative costs for you to bear and so on, so...
Kid at Chicken Corner : Sixty, it's gone up to sixty now, mate.
Mark Corrigan : Really?
Kid at Chicken Corner : Yep.
Mark Corrigan : 'Cause, obviously, this dynamic could go on indefinitely. I mean, is sixty... Will that really be it?
Kid at Chicken Corner : Definitely.
[Mark gives him another £10]
Kid at Chicken Corner : Alright, cheers. Oh, listen, one more thing, will you ask for it again, but like a lady, in a lady's voice?
Mark Corrigan : I'm sorry?
Kid at Chicken Corner : Ask for your Blackberry like a lady.
Mark Corrigan : No, I really think...
Kid at Chicken Corner : [getting up again] OK, mate. See you later.
Mark Corrigan : [high-pitched voice] Can I have my Blackberry back?
Kid at Chicken Corner : [sitting down again] "Please".
Mark Corrigan : [high-pitched voice] Can I have my Blackberry back, please?
Kid at Chicken Corner : [smirks and looks at his mate] Alright, listen, mate, I'll call you when I got it, yeah?
[he and his mate leave]
Mark Corrigan : But he hasn't got my... Oh, no, of course, he'll have my number from when I call him.
Jeremy Usborne : [high-pitched voice] Yes and I think he'll definitely be calling.
