- Balki Bartokomous: You can fool some of the sheep all of the time, but you can't fool some of the sheep all of the time!
- Balki Bartokomous: All right, there's one question I have to ask about the manual. If four persons come to a four-way stop at the same moment, and the man on my right has the right of way, who goes first because everybody has somebody on his right.
- Larry Appleton: That's why you buy insurance.
- Balki Bartokomous: All right, I'm turning right, now!
- Larry Appleton: All right, signal, signal, signal!
- [Balki throws his right arm out straight, hitting Larry and knocking him backwards off the coffee table. Larry slowly looks up over the coffee table, fuming]
- Balki Bartokomous: Next time, buckle up. It's the law.
- [Larry buries his face in his arm, frustrated]
- Balki Bartokomous: [reading the fine print on an eye chart] 'Copyright 1963. Printed in Hicksville, New York', by somebody named Pat Pending.
- Mr. Donald 'Twinkie' Twinkacetti: [to Larry] You lost the bet. Pay me. Give me my money!
- Balki Bartokomous: You're really enjoying this, aren't you?
- Mr. Donald 'Twinkie' Twinkacetti: Human suffering is my thing.