James Rankin: Dash Dagger

Quotes 

• Dash Dagger : [He coughs]  Erm, I guess we're applying for the same job? Hmm.

  Evelyn : Hmm, I guess.

  Dash Dagger : Hopefully they'll have the wisdom to choose the person who will work hard in the company's interest.

  Evelyn : I've never worked hard a day in my life, I'm so good looking everything falls on my lap.

  [she smiles then laughs] 

  Dash Dagger : Well everyone has problems

  Evelyn : Not me, people project their hopes and fears onto me. They think that just because I'm attractive that I must have all the answers to life.

  Dash Dagger : Ah hah.

• Sue : Hey it's the new greeter, congratulations.

  Evelyn : We totally relate to your struggle.

  [They both nod] 

  Dash Dagger : Really?

  Sue : Don't think we haven't tasted rejection.

  Evelyn : We have, big time.

  Sue : Like once, I wasn't invited to a party.

  Evelyn : Aw.

  Sue : I was totally humiliated.

  Evelyn : I once had a piece of Spinach stuck in my tooth and nobody even told me. Oh God, it was so humiliating.

  Dash Dagger : I once got dragged behind a truck!

  [they both look disgusted at him] 

  Evelyn : Oh.

  Sue : Got to go, bye.

  [they start walking off] 

  Dash Dagger : You have no idea what I'm going through you vacuous idiots!

  Sue : Wow, what an attitude.

  Evelyn : See that's what happens when we're nice to ugly people.

• Dash Dagger : Now that I'm in, I am gonna show you how a real greeter works.

  Evelyn : Knock yourself out.

  Dash Dagger : When I am done, you're gonna look silly.

  Evelyn : Whatever.

  Dash Dagger : I may be ugly but I'll work harder, smarter and be more charming.

  Evelyn : If I'd put half an effort into what I do I could get someone to lick dog shit off my shoe.

  Big Store Customer : Erm, can you tell me where auto parts is?

  Evelyn : Yes, I'll be with you in a minute.

  Dash Dagger : I know where it is!

  Big Store Customer : I can wait, er, I'm looking for, er, shock absorbers.

  Evelyn : Yeah I'll get right on it.

  Big Store Customer : Auto parts! Aisle 6, I'm going there right now!

  Big Store Customer : It's okay.

  Dash Dagger : I have a mechanics license.

  Evelyn : I'll take you there but I'm warning you I have a contagious disease.

  Big Store Customer : I'll risk it.

  Evelyn : Okay.

  Dash Dagger : What? Wha? Wha?

• Evelyn : No! What do you mean you're my boss?

  Dash Dagger : Sorry sister that's the way it goes, the old order is finished.

  Evelyn : No, this can't be happening!

  Dash Dagger : Oh it is, I'm the head greeter, I've leap frogged over you and your petty persia values.

  Evelyn : But how can you, you're ugly!

  Dash Dagger : [He laughs]  Well you forgot one thing, beauty wins over ugly but fame on TV wins over beauty.

  Evelyn : No, this is like a bad dream.

  Dash Dagger : That's not your fault you just forgot how shallow society is.

  Evelyn : Damn you!

  [She walks off] 

  Dash Dagger : See ya later, sister!