- Doc Newton: [Nanobots have resurrected Red Dwarf and all her crew] What's this rumour that we're three million light years into deep space, and Red Dwarf's changed shape?
- Captain Frank Hollister: That is classified information, Karen! Who the hell told you that?
- Doc Newton: The coffee machine on G-deck.
- Captain Frank Hollister: That damn coffee machine. I'm gonna bust his ass down to tampon dispenser!
- Lister: [to Rimmer] Several years ago when money was not abundant and I needed, and I mean medically needed a pint... I took some money from your purse. God, it was horrible goin' in there. The wallet that time forgot. Not that there was any point. The barman on B-deck wouldn't serve me. He said doubloons weren't legal tender any more. He said you should have handed them in after the Spanish Armada.
- Doc Newton: [doing a medical scan on the Cat] I don't believe this one's human. Take a look at this.
- Captain Hollister: [whistles in amazement] Has he got the measles?
- Doc Newton: No, these are his nipples, Frank.
- Captain Hollister: Six nipples? I wonder what the female of the species is like.
- The Cat: Pretty easy to please in bed. Especially if you play the piano.
- Lister: Look, this is gonna sound nuts. But the whole crew died, including you. And you've all been resurrected by these microscopic little robots.
- Arnold Rimmer: I died? The rest of the crew died? And you're going to spend the next 2 years in the brig with a load of neanderthals with badly spelt tattoos? So where are we, is this my heaven?
- Lister: Look, a radiation leak wiped everyone out, I survived because I was in stasis. Then these nanos arrived, rebuilt the ship and resurrected the crew.
- Arnold Rimmer: So where are they?
- Lister: Dunno, gone, scarpered. Maybe we should take the fifth?
- Arnold Rimmer: The fifth? If I were you I'd take the sixth, seventh and eighth, too.
- Lister: I gotta track down these nanos to corroborate our story. Otherwise who's gonna believe our defense? Only meths drinkers and the Corn Circle Society! I need your help, man.
- Arnold Rimmer: Me?
- Lister: Who else is gonna help me? I'm confined to quarters.
- [indicates a restraint watch on his arm]
- Lister: The minute I walk through that door, I get enough wattage up me jacksie to light up the whole of Bootle.
- Arnold Rimmer: Well, considering what the future has in store for your jacksie, a couple of zillion volts is going to be easy street.
- Lister: [to Rimmer] I've got a good mind to fill your shoes with runny porridge again. That'll teach you a lesson about maturity.
- MP Thornton: David Lister, you are formally charged with stealing and crashing the Starbug. You're also charged with having no pilot's licence and smuggling two stowaways on board with Navigational Officer Kristine Kochanski. Anything you do say now, or do not say now, may be used in a Board of Enquiry against you. Do you require any form of aid?
- Lister: Yeah. Lemonade and a really large scotch.
- [Nanobots have resurrected Red Dwarf and all her crew]
- Doc Newton: What's this rumour that we're three million light years into deep space, and Red Dwarf's changed shape?
- Captain Hollister: That is classified information, Karen! Who the hell told you that?
- Doc Newton: The coffee machine on G-deck.
- Captain Hollister: That damn coffee machine. I'm gonna bust his ass down to tampon dispenser!
- Doc Newton: [Nanobots have resurrected Red Dwarf and all her crew] What's this rumour that we're three million light years into deep space, and Red Dwarf's changed shape?
- Captain Frank Hollister: That is classified information, Karen! Who the hell told you that?
- Doc Newton: The coffee machine on G-deck.
- Captain Frank Hollister: That damn coffee machine. I'm gonna bust his ass down to tampon dispenser!
- Lister: [about Yvonne McGruder] I used to go out with her you know, before you did. You didn't know that did you? Broke up in the end. Really hurt me. Still got the scars today. They never heal, carpet burns, do they? Both cheeks man. She nearly wore them down to the bone.