- Darth Vader: Turn to the dark side, and join me.
- Luke Skywalker: I'll never join you! You killed my father!
- Darth Vader: No, Luke. I am your father!
- Luke Skywalker: That's not true!... That's impossible!
- Darth Vader: And Princess Leia is your sister!
- Luke Skywalker: That's not true! That's... impropable!
- Darth Vader: And the empire will be defeated by Ewoks!
- Luke Skywalker: That's... very unlikely.
- Darth Vader: And as a child, I built C-3PO!
- Luke Skywalker: ...Huh?
- [time passes]
- Darth Vader: And "the Force?" Well, that's just microscopic bateria in your bloodstream called "Midichlorians".
- Luke Skywalker: [smoking a cigarette] Look, if you're not going to take this seriously, I'm out.
- Ivy Walker: Is anyone there? I come from a village where we think it's 1886. I've broken our taboo about entering the forest to find medicine for my fiancee. Hello?
- [honking noise is heard. Ivy is run over by a bus, M. Night Shyamalan pulls up in a jeep]
- Ivy Walker: That... that was a really weak twist.
- M. Night Shyamalan: Yeah, sorry about that folks!
- Robert Hiltzik: [in a "Sleepaway Camp" parody] Oh, my God! Somebody remembered this movie and wrote a comedy sketch about it!
- Charlie Brown: [talking to Peppermint Patty and Marcie after Linus' funeral] This is different from the time we got lost in France. Or when we almost drowned during the great river raft race. I fear just having a positive attitude, with strong Christian overtones, won't save us this time.
- Marcie: Hold me, sir.
- [Peppermint Patty and Marcie start kissing and making out]
- Charlie Brown: [angrily] I said strong Christian overtones!