- Jim Rockford: This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.
- Shirley: [Beeep] It's Shirley at the Plant and Pot. There's no easy way to tell you this Jim. We did everything we could... Your fern died...
- Jim Rockford: Dad, who turned you on to this scheme?
- Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2: Harry Schreau down at the Gear Tavern. He's the one always buying drinks for the house.
- Jim Rockford: Dad, isn't Harry also the one who lost five hundred bucks on an astrology chain letter?
- Gerald A. O'Malley: [Jim calls Mr. O'Malley - a slightly paranoid survivalist with a bomb shelter out back of his property. Jim calls him, pretending there's about to be a nuclear attack, in order to get Mr. O'Malley safe, by having him get into his shelter] Hello?
- Jim Rockford: [Usiing a southern drawl] Mr. Gerald A. O'Malley?
- Gerald A. O'Malley: Yeah?
- Jim Rockford: Yeah, this is Roger Martel, sir. Kern County civil defense.
- Gerald A. O'Malley: [Happy and eager to do his part'] Yes sir! What can I do for you?
- Jim Rockford: Government agencies have informed us that the Che Guevera unit of the ALF is planning to detonate eight jerry-rigged nuclear devices in Bakersfield, unless some federal prisoners are released by daybreak this morning.
- Gerald A. O'Malley: Now, wait a minute. What's the yield, man? What's the yield? Am I in the kill radius?
- Jim Rockford: We are not sure what the yield is, but you're correct in your assumption. You are in the kill radius.
- Gerald A. O'Malley: Well, you're very calm about it! I've written you people letter after letter about this kind of thing, and you've ignored it! Now - now you're, you're certain that she's going to blow?
- Jim Rockford: Just in case, sir, my advice would be to proceed immediately, and I repeat, immediately, to your bomb shelter. We've already had some leaks on this, and as your neighbors may come seeking protection from you, and no doubt they would be armed and desperate...
- Gerald A. O'Malley: Oh, shut up! I've got 1 million things to do here!
- [O'Malley slams down phone]
- Jim Rockford: When we agreed, you know, that we were gonna be partners, we were talking about a few hundred dollars, maybe a few thousand if we got lucky. But it's an awful lot of money, it just isn't right.
- Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2: Of course it's right, Sonny. It couldn't be righter. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have anything.
- Joseph 'Rocky' Rockford #2: Ooh watch them, they're stale.
- Jim Rockford: No no, these are croutons, Dad. They're not stale.