- Part 1 of 2: D.J. is busted at school for having obscene reading material. Dan meets with the principal, but dreads it, because he is certain that the reading material D.J. brought to school is one of his raunchy magazines. He soon discovers that the reading material is far more twisted; begging the question of where D.J. got it, and leaving him speechless by the answer. Roseanne and Dan discover that Jackie has been keeping a dark secret, and each of them try to help her by dealing with it in their own, unique way.—Lynne Boris Johnston
- DJ is doing his homework (with no help from Dan) when Darlene comes in and starts to attack him. She accuses him of sabotaging her pants. Dan and Roseanne separate them and we see Darlene's green posterior. DJ put bath beads in her pants and when she sat down, they burst. Unsure of what punish to give to DJ, Dan and Roseanne let Darlene dole it out. She makes him wear a suit and tie to school the next day. The next scene is a daytime shot of Dan holding the "Conner Unemployed Invitational" poker game at his house with all the usual cronies. After some tempers flare and Fisher walks out, Dan gets a phone call from the school regarding some obscene material DJ brought to school. He calls Roseanne at the Lunch Box and she makes him take care of it, with both of them thinking DJ had found one of his Playboys. After finding out what school DJ goes to from Roseanne, he goes there to see what happened. The Principal (Ed Begley, Jr.) shows him that DJ brought a comic book to school--not a dirty book. Dan's relief is short lived when he thumbs through it and sees that it's very graphic and asks where DJ got it. DJ, in his suit, replies that he got it from Darlene-she made it. Back at the Lunch Box, Roseanne and Jackie argue about her relationship with Fisher and Jackie Storms out. Roseanne gets home and talks to Dan about the "obscene reading material." Roseanne laughs at it to Dan's dismay because he thinks that Darlene is troubled. Jackie shows up at the Conner house to apologize and to take Roseanne out to a movie. Darlene comes home and after finding out that DJ took her comic, she storms off to find him. She picks up a super soaker and walks in on Jackie who is all bruised up. Darlene asks Roseanne what happened to Jackie, who tells everyone not to worry about it and drop it. Roseanne realizes it was Fisher who did it, while Jackie plays the "He's been under a lot of stress-it's not his fault" routine. Dan sees Jackie crying and he finds out, gets his jacket and walks out to "oooohs" from the audience. Dan comes back with some food and bloody knuckles. As he is explaining it to Roseanne, the police show up to arrest Dan. They take him out of the house as the, "To be Continued..." graphic pops up. In the end credits, Dan is in the back of the cruiser chatting to the cops, when they stop at a light. DJs principal pulls up next to them and Dan waves with his handcuffs.
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