Roseanne (TV Series)

Father's Day (1989)

John Goodman: Dan Conner

Quotes 

• Roseanne : [in bed for the night]  Would you stop hogging all these blankets?

  Dan : [imitating his Father's ramblings]  Blankets? Let me tell you a little somethin' about blankets. I came *this* close to inventing the blanket in 1969. It was right after Woodstock, and a guy from, that guy named Navajo Joe, walks to me and says, "I already invented the blanket", so I... he took it away from me. 1969, that was a great year, wasn't it? Woodstock. Who was on the mound that year? Fergie Jenkins. Boy what a set of choppers he had, you talk about teeth, but he went plum idgit on me, and he went and, ah, sunk all his money into, ah, into whatcha call it... hairdryer stock, and tried to invent a five speed ah, photon mix ah hairdryer, and he lost all his dough, see, and, ah, then he couldn't do nuttin about it, so ahhh, so I ups to him and says, "Fergie, what the heck do you know about hairdryers, anyway?", so he goes, "Well it gets windy in Chicago.", I says "Chicago! Chicago, yeah, I was almost in the band Chicago". I used to mix their soundtracks for 'em. But I couldn't quite get it, see.

  Roseanne : [chuckling]  Good night, "Ed".

  Dan : Night? Night? What the hell do you know about "night"? I was almost on "The Edge of Night" one time, 'xcept I got my foot cut off in Vietnam, you see, and I couldn't... couldn't quite make it to the audition. And the cab driver didn't speak English see, so he didn't know what the heck he was doin'...

  Roseanne : [laughing hysterically]  Shut up!

  Dan : I was shut up in a cave one time, Myramac Caverns...