- Jackie Harris: Mom never talked to us about birth control, she never even talked to us about sex.
- Roseanne: Sex? She told me it was something people did in Europe.
- Jackie Harris: No she did try to talk to us about it one time, but it was so lame. She said if we let a boy go all the way we'd be called loose or slutty or trampy, like that'd stop us.
- Roseanne: She should've said we'd be called Mommy.
- Becky: How do you know he's not going to go to school Monday and tell everybody?
- Darlene Conner: I told him I'd punch his face in.
- Becky: That could work.
- Becky: So how was it?
- Darlene Conner: The kissing was pretty good, I guess.
- Becky: I mean, what about the other stuff?
- Darlene Conner: Better than volleyball and yet not quite as good as hockey.
- Darlene Conner: Do you think he'll ever talk to me again?
- Roseanne: Well you did use him like a cheap piece of meat. Guys love that.
- Dan Conner: Guys lie. I had this buddy in high school, he used to tell girls they couldn't get pregnant if they jumped up and down after sex.
- Roseanne: Yeah, Phil De Salvo.
- Dan Conner: How'd you know that?
- Roseanne: [pause, gets up] I think I will go have a talk with Becky.
- [goes upstairs]
- Dan Conner: [pause] I told you about that, right?
- Jackie Harris: [to Becky] While some sponges can prevent *some* diseases, they're only about 80% effective against pregnancy, so your best bet is the condom/sponge combo, which gives you Fort Knox security at a price you can afford.
- Roseanne: I'm telling Mom.
- Becky: [later] Forget it, Mom, I'm still not going to do anything.
- Jackie Harris: Well *that* is 100% effective.
- Dan Conner: Have you talked to Becky about birth control?
- Roseanne: No, she'll never get undressed in front of a boy, she thinks her butt's too big.