Roseanne (TV Series)
Wait till Your Father Gets Home (1993)
Laurie Metcalf: Jackie Harris
Photos
Quotes
-
Roseanne : [their father has just died] That's it! I'm not making any more calls, you do the rest of the family list.
Jackie : I can't call people, Roseanne!
Roseanne : Jackie... dial!
Jackie : I'm supposed to be in mourning.
Roseanne : Well then wear a veil over your face while you do it!
Jackie : [dials the phone] I can't... Auntie Barbara? It's Jackie... Jack-key! I'm fine... Fine!... I'm fine!... I have some bad news... Dad is not with us anymore...
[slowly getting louder]
Jackie : I said Dad has passed away... He's passed away!... Dad is gone!... Dad's dead!... He's dead!... NO, *DEAD!*... *DAD!*... He's fine! He sends his love! Bye!
Jackie : [hangs up] I am *not* doing that again, you can't *make* me!
-
Jackie : [to the funeral home director] Before we go on, I just want you to know that I'm feeling very irrational right now. I'm likely to buy anything that you show me, and I'm also very likely to take out a gun and blow your head off if I think you're taking advantage of me... so I would play me very carefully.
-
Roseanne : [on the phone with airline rep] Uh, yeah, I'm here. It's "Harris". "Al Harris", he's my dad. Look, I just got through telling this whole thing to somebody else. Well, all I wanna know is if his flight's coming in on time. No, not coach; try baggage.
Jackie : Ask 'em about his frequent flyer miles. He was a salesman. It would've been very important to him.
Roseanne : Jackie, can't you go and get drunk or something?
[on the phone again]
Roseanne : Yeah, I'm here. Listen, this is gonna sound kind of weird and everything, but is he going to be coming down that conveyor belt with everybody's baggage?
[pause]
Roseanne : No, no, the mortuary picks him up. Oh, that's good 'cause I didn't think we could fit him in our truck.
[pause]
Roseanne : Well, I'm sorry you don't think that's funny! Hey, I'm saving my best jokes for the funeral!
