- Mama Cass: I learned to swim through a correspondence course. The only problem is, I can't go into the pool unless the mailman's watching.
- Michael Landon: No, the economy's in pretty bad shape. You know there's a corner in Beverly Hills where movie stars sell maps to poor people's homes?
- Russian Guard: In the salt mines, today, I saw Mrs. Karantilla.
- Chinese Guard: Aha.
- Russian Guard: She was arrested for knitting.
- Chinese Guard: Oh, why? What was she knitting?
- Russian Guard: A passport.
- Dick Martin: And now a word on the subject, from the man on the street, to see what he things about body freezing.
- Michael Landon: I heard Dean Martin signed up immediately, he figured what could be better than fifty years on the rocks?
- Lily Tomlin: But wait a minute. Did you know that Catholic piranha fish only eat people on Friday's?