Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Christopher Reeve/Santana (1985)

Christopher Reeve: Self - Host, Various

Quotes 

• [Escape the Germans skit. Characters are Americans pinned down in a French church during World War II. They keep trying crazy ways to get by the Germans, without any success] 

  Sarge : Perkins! Up front, Perkins!

  [grabs a nun's habit] 

  Sarge : . I think you can pass as a penguin.

  Perkins : Hey, Sarge. I don't wanna go out there.

  Sarge : [with suspicion]  Why not?

  Perkins : 'Cause they're gonna see I'm not a penguin, Sarge. And then they're gonna shoot me.

  Sarge : How do you know that, Perkins?

  Perkins : Well, I... I figured it out.

  Sarge : Yeah?

  [pulling out service pistol] 

  Sarge : Seems to me you know an awful lot about the Germans. A lot more than a kid who *claims* to be from Indiana should!

  [cocks pistol and scruffs Perkins's uniform] 

  Perkins : Hey, wait a minute...

  Sarge : Campbell! Get up here! I think we got a Kraut on our hands. Test him!

  Campbell : What's Babe Ruth's real name?

  Perkins : Oh! George Herman Ruth.

  Sarge : [sarcastically]  That's a good one, Campbell. Why don't you just ask him the one question every German soldier is drilled on? Get away from me!

  [shoves Campbell away] 

  Sarge : All right, Perkins, answer me this one: Who played Rhett Butler in "Gone With The Wind"?

  Perkins : Rhett Butler?

  Sarge : Yes!

  Perkins : Oh, yeah, that was, uh... . Uh...

  Sarge : C'mon...

  Perkins : Yeah yeah yeah. It was a household word... . Uh... . Well, let's see. Uhm... . Ashley Wilkes was played by Leslie Howard...

  Sarge : Yeah...

  Perkins : Melanie Wilkes, that was Olivia De Havilland...

  Sarge : Yeah...

  Perkins : Prissy the slave girl, that was Butterfly McQueen

  Sarge : Yeah...

  Perkins : Mammy was Hattie McDaniels...

  Sarge : C'mon, c'mon! Rhett Butler, Perkins!

  [continues to egg Perkins on] 

  Perkins : Oh, God, god, god! He was everybody's choice except the original director. That was George Vukor, but he got fired. I mean, you know, selfishly he wanted...

  Sarge : Who played Rhett Butler, Perkins!

  Perkins : Oh, god, I know. This is crazy. He's a big guy, he was opposite Claudette Colbert in "It Happened One Night",

  Sarge : C'mon, quit stalling! I got three seconds!

  Perkins : Big ears, big ears, little mustache, um... Clark Gable!

  Sarge : Wrong!

  [shoots Perkins dead] 

  Sarge : Cary Grant, you Nazi scum!

  Saunders : No, no, it was Clark Gable.

  Sarge : Damn! Not again! I always get those two guys confused.

  [rushes to Perkins, who was being examined by Campbell] 

  Campbell : Forget it, forget it. He's dead.

  [Sarge pushed Campbell back from Perkins] 

  Sarge : [poignantly]  That's too bad. He knew so much about film.