- A. Whitney Brown: The network censors seem to think we're going to offend our audience by speaking to them as if they were adults. But over the past twelve years anyone who is capable of being offended has learned not to watch Saturday Night Live. We... we have widdled our viewers down to a jaded, thick-skinned group of thrillseekers.
- [audience cheers]
- Godfrey: [Master Thespian is unable to perform a single line] What are you, senile?
- Master Thespian: Of course not, I haven't even seen Africa!
- Weekend Update Anchor: TV Commentator Bill Moyers announced he's leaving CBS for PBS. Hey, anyway you cut it, it's still BS.