- Wilbur Fitzbottom: Oh, by the way, Miss Jenson, I'm terrifeid of gorilla's, so please don't dress like one.
- Bob Winkler: [Quck Cash Round on Snap Decision game show] All right, hands on buzzers. In what year did Columbus discover America?
- Jerry Nichols: [buzzes in] 1492!
- Bob Winkler: [buzzer sounds indicating a wrong answer] Sorry, the answer is 1812. Moving on, what Tchaikovsky overture uses cannons in the orchestra?
- Judy Rollins: [buzzes in] The 1812th.
- Bob Winkler: [buzzer sounds indicating a wrong answer] No, the answer is 'Sacremento'. All right, what is the capitol of California? Anyone? Coca-Cola. I thought somebody would get that. And finally, what softdrink was bottled in Atlanta in 1886?
- Jerry Nichols: [buzzes in] 1492!
- Bob Winkler: Correct!
- Leslie Nielsen: Just imagine doing a scene with some young actress, and soiling both your costume and hers. Now, that can be really embarrassing. That's why I wear Dripmaster, the undergarment from Geritech that takes the worry out of walking around. In fact, I'm relieving... myself right now!
- Steve Amad Ben Bazir: [after describing Salman Rushdie] If you see anyone who fits this description, kill him! Do not hesitate, you can make a difference. Repeat, do not, not kill him. If it comes to a choice between killing and not killing him, kill him! Then call this number after you killed him: 1-800-I-K-I-L-L-R-U-S-H-D-I-E.
- Bill: Karen is only 3 years younger than you? Are you sure? I thought she was about 29.
- Charlotte: We were in school together, Karen is 37.
- Bill: Well, she looks 29.
- Charlotte: [sighs] Well, frankly, Bill, you're probably not very good at guessing women's ages.
- Bill: Don Burke said Karen was 29, too.
- Charlotte: Well, Don's an idiot!
- Bill: Well, he, he guessed your age right.