- James O'Brien: I have flowers here for you. From another anonymous fan.
- Greta Garbo: Ah... put them in another room. I want to be... alone.
- James O'Brien: Yes, Miss Garbo.
- Greta Garbo: Let me see them.
- [takes the flowers]
- Greta Garbo: Ohh, they are so beautiful. Put each flower in a separate vase, so that they are... alone.
- Brenda the Waitress: Can I help you?
- Diner Patron: Do you have coffee?
- Brenda the Waitress: You got a cup?
- Diner Patron: You think you can fill it?
- Diner Patron: Think you can handle it?
- Diner Patron: I can handle a menu.
- TV Executive: The Nude Talk Show is dead last in the ratings. Look, it's even lower than Shrimp Circus and the Goofy Brothers!
- TV Executive: The Nude Talk Show is our number one show! Ahead of even The Insane Idiot and the Brent Musburger Show.
- Husband: Where did you get these powers?
- Middle-Aged Man: They came to me when I realized my own mortality. You see, there was a time when I wasn't Middle-Aged Man, I was Young Man and my father was Middle-Aged Man and his father was Retired Man.
- Husband: Who is your grandfather now?
- Middle-Aged Man: Dead Man. But that's another story.
- Middle-Aged Man: God, I don't believe I said that... I sound just like my father...
- Wife: You're, you're father?
- Middle-Aged Man: Yeah, Retired Man.
- Middle-Aged Man: Well... now what's the difference between you and Retired Man?
- Wife: I know how to hook up a VCR.