- Weekend Update Anchor: What are the odds on losing the Berlin Wall and Irving Berling in the same year?
- Lothar of the Hill People: It is written by the ancients but again it is still truth. Women. You cannot walk with them and yet you cannot club them.
- Chris Evert: In my tennis career I've known both victory and defeat, but I say doing comedy is easier, because when a joke fails, at least you don't have a bunch of people laughing at you. Heh, right... like, like right now.
- Weekend Update Anchor: This week, the giant Mitsubishi company of Japan bought New York City's Rockefeller Center, which includes the Radio City Music Hall and the building we do our show from, which will be hence be known as '30 Wok'.