- President George Bush: None of us want war in that whole area out over there. But as commander-in-chief I am ever cognizant of my authority to launch a full-scale orgy of death there in the desert sands. Probably won't, but then again, I might. Now if we do go to war, I can assure you it will not be another Vietnam. Because we have learned well the simple lesson of Vietnam: Stay out of Vietnam.
- Weekend Update Anchor: Thank you, good evening, and what can I tell you? Last week, Saddam Hussein released all the hostages. President Bush said he still planned to use military force if need be against Iraq, unless they left Kuwait. This week Hussein said 'Okay, okay, I'll be out of Kuwait in a week.' Bush said: 'Too late, we're gonna attack you anyway, you have embarrassed me in front of my woman.' Upon being reached for a comment, Barbara Bush said: 'George still turns me on when he talks nasty like that.'