- Sean Connery: I pose a conundrum to you, a riddle if you will.
- Alex Trebek: I don't want to hear it.
- Sean Connery: What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold. One's a sick duck... I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore.
- Alex Trebek: Sean Connery, why don't you pick.
- Sean Connery: Well, the game is afoot. I'll take Anal Bum Cover for $7000.
- Alex Trebek: [Pans to board, it reads "An Album Cover", audience breaks into laughter and applause]
- [Sean Connery laughs wildly]
- Alex Trebek: That's "An Album Cover", not anal bum cover!
- Sean Connery: I can read Trebek! That says Anal Bum Cover! I spent five years of my life trying to invent an anal bum cover! Failing to do so is my greatest regret!
- [more laughter]
- Alex Trebek: You have led a horrifying life.
- Horatio Sanz: [eating a cocker spaniel prepared by Lucy Liu from her grandmother's special recipe] Hm, that's good dog!
- [viewing the contestants' Final Jeopardy answers]
- Alex Trebek: And finally, Sean Connery asked himself...
- [cut to Connery's board, which features a crudely drawn picture]
- Alex Trebek: I think I know where this is going. Let me just see here. Yeah. Yeah, that's a horse having sex with me.
- George W. Bush: Then it's official, I'm the President. This is gonna be cool.
- [chuckles]
- George W. Bush: Hey, hey, maybe I'll start a war. Wars are, wars are like execution, supersized!
- James Madison: Say, could you tell me where I might find lodging and a whore?
- Jimmy Fallon: 43rd and 10th.