Scrubs (TV Series)

My Bed Banter & Beyond (2002)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• Dr. Perry Cox : Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies. Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever... gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with and half the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now through all the stuff I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies, and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line is, couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time if it's right and they're real lucky. One of them will say something.

• Dr. Cox : ...And bam! The shine's off the apple. And that's when you find out that that pretty little girl you married isn't a pretty little girl at all. No, she's a man-eater. And I'm not talking about the "whoa-whoa, here she comes" kind of man-eater. I'm talking about the kind that uses your dignity as a dishtowel to wipe up any shreds of manhood that might be stuck inside the sink. Of course, I may have tormented her from time to time; but, honest to God, that's what I thought marriage was all about. So much so that, by the end of that relationship, I honestly don't know who I hated more - her or me? I used to sit around and wonder... why our friends weren't trying to destroy each other, like we were. And here, it turns out, the answer's pretty simple: They weren't unhappy. We were.

• Dr. Perry Cox : Bravo, just a big bravo! Heaven help me, I love newbie theatre! Honest, I do! It's the way you both play your parts, with such wonderful commitment, that almost had me believing that you *aren't* having whiny, neurotic, extremely pale sex with each other.

• Dr. Perry Cox : [whistles] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Good morning, Dr Cox!

  Dr. Perry Cox : We are short-staffed today because Kelso has volunteered all of you scat monkeys for some psychologist's research project, give me a break, which means of course you won't be helping patients; instead... oh, you'll be blabbering about your feelings and what is like working in the hospital and how that affects your personal lives and wah, wah, wah!

  [Kelso approaches] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : And there he is now, oh, big Bob-o himself. Ok;

  [whistles] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : all nurses and interns let's gather around and dance for the puppet master.

  [starts to dance like a puppet] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Oh yes, dance!

  Dr. Bob Kelso : It's not just the nurses and interns...

  Dr. Perry Cox : [freezed in the dance]  Don't be that guy, Bob...

• Dr. Perry Cox : [Dr. Cox knows about JD and Elliot's relationship] 

  [to JD] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Please stop. The whole floor knows; we do. Watch this.

  [He turns toward the Nurses' Station] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Laverne, did you know?

  Nurse Roberts : Was it supposed to be a secret?

  Dr. Perry Cox : And, Carla?

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : Please. I knew before they did.

  Dr. Perry Cox : [Dr. Cox turns back to face the couple]  So, there it is. Oh, and, if you go ahead and listen very carefully, you'll hear the familiar sound of no one caring.