- J.D.: You don't enjoy hanging out with me, do you?
- Danni Sullivan: Not really, I'm more into tough guys, you know?
- J.D.: Last night in bed I knocked you unconscious.
- Danni Sullivan: For like 5 seconds.
- J.D.: How could you do this to me?
- Elliot: Do what?
- J.D.: I don't know, come over to my house, sleep with me and the dump me the minute Sean shows up so I'd feel like a complete loser.
- Elliot: Oh, you seem real crushed, I mean, you jumped into bed with Danny so quick you didn't have time to change the sheets.
- J.D.: You know I only have one set.
- Janitor: Some hooligan keeps disconnecting the alarm. I told Security to look into it. But no, no, they'd rather catch the guy who's stealing organs from the transplant ward.
- [Dr. Cox looks up towards the ceiling]
- Dr. Cox: Now, I know you say you love us all equally. But you don't, do ya? I'm onto you, Big Man.
- J.D.: [FANTASY: J.D. has a bullhorn and a Viking hat] Attention, Sacred Heart! Everyone please gather 'round. Doctors, nurses, patients, hear ye, hear ye. Everyone should know that last night, Elliot Reid and I made passionate love for a good hour and a half. Check that - a *great* hour and a half!
- J.D.: [Sean and Elliot are kissing. J.D. watches them miserably, until Sean notices him staring] You've got something on your face.
- Sean Kelly: [Breaks the kiss and wipes at his face] What?
- J.D.: [In thought] The love of my life.
- [Out loud]
- J.D.: You got it.
- J.D.: Hey, you wanna play darts?
- Danni Sullivan: Sure!
- [She gets up excitedly]
- J.D.: Great! Have fun, I'll be over here.
- Danni Sullivan: Do you even enjoy spending time with me?
- J.D.: *Enjoy* is such a strong word... I... I'm used to it. You know, like cafeteria food, or the constant threat of terrorism.
- J.D.: So I guess... this is over.
- Danni Sullivan: Why?
- J.D.: So, you'd rather hang out with someone you don't even like than be alone?
- Danni Sullivan: Yeah, pretty much.
- J.D.: [Despondently] Yeah, me too.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: What should I do?
- [Voice over]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: That was a huge mistake. Because the closer Turk and Carla got to their wedding, the more they became one of those annoying couples that thought they knew everything about relationships.
- Dr. Christopher Turk, Nurse Carla Espinosa: Look, J.D... .
- Dr. Christopher Turk: You first, honey.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: J.D., love is like a butterfly. Hold it too tight and... you'll crush it.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Too loose and it flies away.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: [about Dr. Cox] Turk, he wants to be with Dr. Miller because he thinks it'll make him what?
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Happy.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Exactly. But he's really only happy when he's...?
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Miserable.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Right! So why does he really want to be with Dr. Miller?
- Dr. Christopher Turk: 'Cause she got big-ass boobies!
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: No, no, no. Because he likes being miserable.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: [J.D. is staring motionless at the door] Morning.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: [to Turk, about J.D] What's up with him?
- Dr. Christopher Turk: He slept with Elliot last night.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Is it THAT time of year again?
- Dr. Christopher Turk: [to J.D] Dude, ignore her. That's three years in a row -- who's feeling you?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: You be.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Honestly, Jordan, I have never despised anyone more.
- Jordan: Oh, my God. You have a crush on her.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Who said who to what now?
- Janitor: Don't look at me like that! This is your fault, anyway! You two made me dream again.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Hey, we weren't the ones who caved in to Kelso.
- Janitor: I do not owe you an explanation for that!
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: You're right, you don't owe us an explanation!
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Lay some truth on him, baby!
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: You owe one to yourself.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Ouch.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Now I'm gonna let my husband-to-be tell you what life's really all about, because he has more of this than any man I know.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Archie comics?
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: No, the other thing.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Oh, that's right -- integrity.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Look, there's a new doctor at the hospital, and she is such a relentless chore that every time she's harping at me, I actually see your face.
- Jordan: I love that you think about me at work.
- Dr. Bob Kelso: Listen, Serpico, I go four steps out that door to my car every day. And that's important, because if I don't beat Enid home from her thighs & buns class, I have to help her peel off her leotard. So remember this: I hired you, and I can fire you.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Hey, Jordan! You know what's weird?
- Jordan: Tell me.
- Dr. Perry Cox: We're so close, and yet if anybody asks if we're married, all either one of us can say is--is no.
- Jordan: Actually, I say we were married for five years then got divorced, now we're back living together, have a child, but we're in a long-term, committed relationship.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Yeah, that's what I say, too... . That or... no.
- Janitor: [Dr. Cox rushes through the hallway, and is stopped short by Security Guard Janitor and his nightstick] Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Moving a little quick there, aren't we, bub? Got a story to tell me?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Here's a story: It's called The Security Guard Who Was Sodomized With His Own Nightstick.
- Janitor: Why don't we just consider this a warning.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Look, you and I have been down this road before and we both know where it ends. I'm sorry. I just... I really want to make this work with Sean. So, please don't say anything to him? Okay?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I totally understand. You know, Danni and I are getting back together, too.
- [Voice over]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: We are?
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Bambi, when you broke up with Danni, you said it was the happiest day of your life!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: No, that was only because "Barney Miller" came out on DVD.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: And Wojo's commentary on it? Priceless!
- Irv: I've been trying like the dickens to cut down on my snacking, but it's just so...
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Ehp-ehp-ehp! You look great, Irv!
- [Voice over]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Irv didn't look great, but I didn't have time to talk.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [J.D. is lying in bed, staring at the ceiling]
- [Voice over]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Okay, Elliot really hurt me. Still, right now I need to keep a level head. My emotions are all over the place, and it's important that I don't do anything rash.
- [the camera pulls back to reveal Danni lying next to him, smoking a cigarette with a huge ashtray full of butts]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [coughing] Do you have to do that here?
- Danni: What? I like smoking after sex.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: And during.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: God, you never used to smoke.
- Danni: Yeah, but back then I was pretending to be someone I thought you wanted me to be, and that didn't work. So now... .
- [sitting up]
- Danni: I'm gonna let the real me come out. And the real me wants to do it again... and she wants to do it rough!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Oh, I don't know, Danni. The real me's not really into that.
- Danni: GIVE IT TO ME!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [He yells and slaps her across the face, knocking her to the bed]
- [Concerned]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Oh, my God, Danni, I am so sorry. I thought that's what you wanted.
- Danni: [Grinning] It was.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [She reaches up and twists his nipples, pulling him down to her] YAAHHHH!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [Voice over] I was so mad at Elliot I couldn't sleep last night. Also, Danni snores like a gutted wild boar. But mostly it was the Elliot thing.