Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Bookstore (1998)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cosmo Kramer : [to Newman]  See, we should've gotten some collateral from him... Like his bag of cans, or... his other bag of cans.

  Newman : We gotta find that rickshaw. You check the sewers and dumpsters. I'll hit the soup kitchens, bakeries, and smorgasbords.

  [Newman and Kramer both go to leave] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : To the Idiotmobile!

• Jerry Seinfeld : Leo, I saw you in Berntano's

  Uncle Leo : Why didn't you saw "hello"?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Because you were too busy stealing a book!

  Uncle Leo : You still say "hello"!

• George Costanza : They made me buy it... A hundred bucks this thing cost me.

  [George gestures to the book] 

  George Costanza : How dare they? I got news for you, if it wasn't for the toilet, there would be no books.

  Jerry Seinfeld : [Sarcastically]  Yeah. I understand Guttenberg used to spend a lot of time in there.

  George Costanza : They're selling coffee, bran muffins... you're surrounded by reading material... It's entrapment!

  Jerry Seinfeld : [Reading the cover of the book George was forced to buy]  'French Impressionist Paintings'?

  George Costanza : I find the soothing pastoral images very conduc...

  Jerry Seinfeld : [Cutting him off]  Thank you very much.

• Elaine Benes : Yeah. Now I can break up with him. He's clean, and I'm the office hero.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Seems like you're better at fake relationships than real ones.

  Elaine Benes : Yeah, huh. I even got an idea out of it: the Detox Poncho.

• Cosmo Kramer : Jerry, check this out. Remember my idea about rickshaws in New York? Well, we're gonna make it happen!

  Jerry : No, you're not.

  Cosmo Kramer : Newman, he knows a guy in the Hong Kong post office.

  Jerry : No, he doesn't.

  Newman : He's shipping us a rickshaw. It can't miss!

  Jerry : Yes, it can.

  Cosmo Kramer : We'll start out with one, and then when it catches on, we're gonna have a whole fleet.

  Newman : It's the romance of the Hansom Cab without the guilt or dander of the equine.

  Jerry : So, who's gonna pull this thing?

  Cosmo Kramer : [Perplexed, to Newman]  . Well, I just assumed you would.

  Newman : [to Kramer]  Yeah, but I thought...

  Cosmo Kramer : Di-di-di-di... No

  Jerry : My, isn't this an awkward moment.

  Cosmo Kramer : [Thinking]  What about the homeless?

  Newman : Can't we worry about them later?

  Cosmo Kramer : To pull the rickshaw.

  Newman : They do have an intimate knowledge of the streets...

  Cosmo Kramer : They're always just walking around the city. Why not just strap something to them?

  Jerry : Now, that's the first sensible idea I've heard all day.

• Cosmo Kramer : Oh, boy, look at this. Hong Kong's outlawed the rickshaw. See, I always thought those would be perfect for New York.

  Jerry Seinfeld : [Sarcastically]  Yes. The city needs more slow-moving wicker vehicles.

  [George is about to go into the bathroom. He grabs a book on his way in] 

  Cosmo Kramer : Hmm, Elaine's been to Hong Kong. I should give her a call.

  Jerry Seinfeld : She's at that annual Peterman party tonight. You know the one she danced at last year?

  Cosmo Kramer : [Remembering]  No, that wasn't dancing.

  Jerry Seinfeld : [Pointing]  Hey, there's Leo.

  Cosmo Kramer : Oh? Who's Leo?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Uncle Leo!

  Cosmo Kramer : Oh, yeah. Right. Uncle, Leo. Forgot his first name...

• Jerry Seinfeld : [as Elaine walks up, disheveled]  Sleeping in the car again?

  Elaine Benes : Cocktail flu.

  Jerry Seinfeld : [Remembering]  Oh, right. The big party...

  George Costanza : You, uh, didn't dance again, did you?

  Elaine Benes : No, I found a better way to humiliate myself. There was this guy, and we had a few too many...

  George Costanza : You went home with him?

  Elaine Benes : Worse. We made out at the table like our plane was going down!

  Jerry Seinfeld : [Rubbing it in]  Ah, the drunken make-out. An office classic. Did you end up xeroxing anything?

  Elaine Benes : [Gives Jerry a look]  Do you know how embarrassing this is to someone in my position?

  Jerry Seinfeld : What's your position?

  Elaine Benes : *I* am an *associate*.

  George Costanza : Hey, me too.

  [Waitress walks up] 

  Waitress : Yeah, me too.

  Elaine Benes : Oh God. Why did I do this? Now I'm the office skank.

  George Costanza : Well, unless you tell everybody you're dating.

  Elaine Benes : Ooh... right. 'Cause if we're dating, what everyone saw was just a beautiful moment between two lovers.

  Jerry Seinfeld : As opposed to a spirited bout of Skanko-Roman wrestling.

  Elaine Benes : Ooh, bravo.

• Jerry Seinfeld : Now, that's the first sensible idea I've heard all day.

• Helen Seinfeld : Nobody pays for everything.

  Jerry Seinfeld : You're stealing too? What are you stealing?

  Morty Seinfeld : Nothing... batteries. Well, they wear out so quick.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Mom, you too?

  Helen Seinfeld : Sometimes your father forgets, so I have to steal them.