Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Bookstore (1998)

John O'Hurley: J. Peterman

Quotes 

• J. Peterman : Elaine, do you have a moment? It's about your lover.

  Elaine Benes : [Faking a broken heart]  Oh yes. I know all about his little performance in the break room.

  Elaine Benes : Elaine, who among us hasn't snuck into the break room to nibble on a love newton?

  Elaine Benes : Love newton?

  J. Peterman : I'm afraid the problem with Zach is more serious. He's back on the horse, Elaine. Smack. White palace. The Chinaman's nightcap.

  Elaine Benes : An addict?... Well, it just keeps getting better!

  J. Peterman : And, in a tiny way, I almost feel responsible. I'm the one who sent him to Thailand in search of low-cost whistles, filled his head with pseudoerotic tales of my own Opium excursions... plus, I gave him some phone numbers of places he could score near the hotel.

  Elaine Benes : Look, uh, Mr. Peterman, the fact is that I was planning on breaking up with Zach anyway. He was cheating on me!

  J. Peterman : Damn it, Elaine. That wasn't Zach. That was the yam-yam. Now, he is going cold turkey... And you will be at his side.

  Elaine Benes : Oh. Well, you know, I had planned to uh...

  J. Peterman : [Cutting her off]  No buts, Elaine. Or I will strip you of your 'associate' status.

  [Peterman goes to leave] 

  J. Peterman : Oh, P.S., the first twenty-four hours are the worst... Beeetter bring a poncho.