Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Cigar Store Indian (1993)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jerry Seinfeld : But you can't give something and then take it back. I mean, what are you, a...

  Winona : What?

  Jerry Seinfeld : A uh, person that uh...

  Winona : A person that what?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well, a person that gives something and then they're dissatisfied and they wish they had, had...

  Winona : And?

  Jerry Seinfeld : never give, given it to the person that they originally gave it to,

  Winona : You mean like an Indian giver?

  Jerry Seinfeld : I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with that term.

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : I was always excited as a kid when that new TV Guide would come. Somehow when that front cover's nice and flat, it seems like there's good, fresh TV shows in there. Then as the week goes by, you start to hate the TV. All the shows stink. Everything's gettin' all crumpled and ripped from being sat on, thrown across the room. TV Guide is always thrown, never handed to another person. It's the world's most thrown reading material. "Where's the TV Guide? There it is." You know, in the back of the TV Guide, they have a phone number, 95 cents a minute, they'll give you the answers to the TV Guide crossword puzzle. My question is, if you can't do the TV Guide crossword puzzle, where are you comin' across 95 cents?

• Jerry Seinfeld : I thought we'd eat at the Gentle Harvest.

  Winona : Ooh, I love that place, but it's so crowded. Can we get a table?

  Jerry Seinfeld : oh, don't worry, I made reser...

  Winona : You made what?

  Jerry Seinfeld : I uh, I uh, I arranged for the appropriate accommodations. And then, Knick tickets, floor seats.

  Winona : How did you get these?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Got 'em on the street from a sca... a uh, one of those guys.

  Winona : What guys?

  Jerry Seinfeld : You know, the guys that they sell the tickets to the sold-out events

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : You can always tell what was the best year of your father's life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and just ride it out to the end, don't they? And it's not like they don't continue shopping, it's just they somehow manage to find new old clothes. Every father is like this fashion time capsule, you know what I mean? It's like they should be on a pedestal with someone next to 'em goin', "This was 1965." To me, the worst thing is shopping for pants. I hate dressing and undressing in that little room. What men need is a place to shop where you go in, you check your pants at the door, and you just walk around the store in your underwear. That would be the best way. Then you'd really have to lie to the salesman. "Need some help? No, just getting some air."