- Jerry Seinfeld: And what is his stand on abortion?
- Elaine Marie Benes: What?
- Jerry Seinfeld: What is his stand... on abortion?
- Elaine Marie Benes: Well, I'm sure he's pro-choice.
- Jerry Seinfeld: How do you know?
- Elaine Marie Benes: Because he... Well... He's just so good-looking.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Well, you should probably ask. Because if he's gonna be coming over with those Pokeno's Pizzas... could be trouble.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Is it...? Could it...? Could he have...? It is! Poppie peed on my sofa!
- Cosmo Kramer: Are you sure?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Well, what is it, then? My new sofa! Poppie peed on my new sofa!
- Cosmo Kramer: I'm sure it'll come out.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I don't care if it comes out. I can't sit on that anymore.
- Cosmo Kramer: You're making too much of it.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, you're right. Just a natural human function. Happens to be on my sofa... instead of in the toilet, where it would normally be.
- Cosmo Kramer: Right.
- Jerry: [after a visit from Poppie] K-Kramer, what is this?
- Cosmo Kramer: What is what?
- Jerry: This puddle on my sofa!
- Cosmo Kramer: What puddle?
- Jerry: That puddle!
- Cosmo Kramer: I don't know.
- Jerry: Is it?... Could it?... Could he have?... It is!... Poppie peed on my sofa!
- Cosmo Kramer: Are you sure?
- Jerry: Well, what is it then?... My new sofa! Poppie peed on my new sofa!
- Elaine Marie Benes: So what did you end up doing with the couch?
- Jerry Seinfeld: I gave it to George.
- Elaine Marie Benes: Did you tell him it was peed on?
- Jerry Seinfeld: He said he was going to flip the cushion.
- Cosmo Kramer: [puts the dough on the counter] Alright, put a little sauce on here...
- [speaks some unintelligible words in an Italian accent while spreading the sauce around]
- Cosmo Kramer: Some cheese...
- Poppie: Not too much!
- Cosmo Kramer: And... cucumbers!
- [Grabs a large handful and puts them on the pizza]
- Poppie: Wait a second... what is that?
- Cosmo Kramer: It's cucumbers.
- Poppie: No, no. You can't put cucumbers on a pizza.
- Cosmo Kramer: Well, why not? I like cucumbers.
- Poppie: That's not a pizza. It'll taste terrible.
- Cosmo Kramer: But that's the idea, you make your own pie.
- Poppie: Yes, but we cannot give the people the right to choose any topping they want! Now on this issue there can be no debate!
- Cosmo Kramer: What gives you the right to tell me how I would make my pie?
- Poppie: Because it's a pizza!
- Cosmo Kramer: It's not a pizza until it comes out of the oven!
- Poppie: It's a pizza the moment you put your fists in the dough!
- Cosmo Kramer: No, it isn't!
- George Costanza: You know what I love? How there's two nuts named after people. Hazel... and Filbert.
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: The love seat is an interesting little item there. I guess some guy thought, "If we can't get them to sit closer, why not just shorten the furniture?" My other favorite furniture brand is the La-Z-Boy. This is very flattering to the prospective customer, isn't it? Why don't we just call it "The half-conscious dead beat with no job, home all day, eating Cheetos and watching TV" recliner. And it goes back so far, that thing. I mean, go to bed already. It's over. You're wiped.