- Elaine: That's good work guys, that oughta do it for today.
- Eddie Sherman: Wait! You didn't ask me about my ideas.
- Elaine: Oh, Eddie, it's your first day...
- Eddie Sherman: I'm ready.
- Elaine: Oh. Okay.
- Eddie Sherman: It's a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife: the only friend who hasn't betrayed you, the only friend who won't be dead by sunup. Sleep tight mates, in your quilted chambray night shirts.
- Jerry Seinfeld: So you saw Bania's act.
- Abby: He got two minutes into that Ovaltine thing and I just couldn't take it anymore.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I told you, it's like getting beaten with a bag of oranges.
- Abby: Why is he so obsessed with Ovaltine?
- Jerry Seinfeld: He just thinks that anything that dissolves in milk is funny.
- Abby: I'm feeling a little disoriented. It's just weird for me to not have an advisor.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I can tell you what to do.
- Abby: It's more than that.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I can tell you what to think.
- Abby: I need someone I can trust.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Oh.
- Eddie Sherman: I think I got something here. For the Bengalese galoshes.
- Elaine: Oh.
- Eddie Sherman: It's tough keeping you feet dry when you're kickin' in a skull.
- Elaine: You know, Eddie, that might be just a tad harsh for womens' wear.
- Jerry Seinfeld: If anything, I should be dating a mentor and Bania should be settin' pins in a bowling alley.
- Frank Costanza: Men were keeling over all around me. I can still hear the retching, screaming. I sent 16 of my own men to the latrines that night!
- Estelle Costanza: Here's your omelet.
- Frank Costanza: It's dry.
- Estelle Costanza: That's the way I always make it.
- Frank Costanza: Well, it sucks.
- Estelle Costanza: What did you say?
- Frank Costanza: Your meatloaf is mushy, your salmon croquettes are oily, and your eggplant parmesan is a disgrace to this house!
- Estelle Costanza: Well that's too bad, because I'm the only one who cooks around here.
- Frank Costanza: Not any more. Gimme that spatula. I'm back, baby!
- Elaine: Lets just replace "hail of shrapnel" and "scar tissue" with "string of pearls" and "raspberry scones".