Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Pledge Drive (1994)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Elaine : Um, what does Nana sound like?

  Jerry : Like a grandmother, why?

  Elaine : Well...

  Jerry : Oh, you hung up on my Nana?

  Elaine : I don't know, maybe.

  Jerry : You told Nana to drop dead?

  Elaine : It's possible.

  Jerry : Yes, it is!

• [first lines] 

  Jerry : There's something insincere about these greeting cards that we send to each other all the time. They're like these paper emotional prostitutes, isn't it? I don't know what my feelings are, so I'll pay some total stranger a buck to make up this Hallmark hooker to do job for me. So I can go, "I didn't write this, but whatever they wrote, I think the same thing." Wouldn't it be better if we just had one card that covered every occasion for everybody in one shot? Happy birthday, Merry Christmas, Happy anniversary, Congratulations, It's a boy and our deepest sympathies. Signed, the whole office."

• Jerry : [discussing throwing away a thank you card]  It was a thank you card from Kristin because I'm doing the PBS drive. I mean how long am I supposed to keep it?

  George Costanza : The rule is a minimum of two days.

  Jerry : You making that up or you know what you're talking about?

  George Costanza : I'm making it up.

  Jerry : I mean really what is the point of saving it? I could see if I had a mantle.

  George Costanza : Ah, well. A mantle is a whole different story. If my parents had a mantle, I might be a completely different person.