Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Shower Head (1996)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Morty learns "The Tonight Show" is taped in the afternoon and aired at night] 

  Morty Seinfeld : How long has this been going on?

  Jerry Seinfeld : [off-handedly]  Thirty years.

• Jerry Seinfeld : C'mon, you're lucky to have anybody.

  Uncle Leo : Last week you told me I was in my prime, I should be swinging.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Swinging? What are you, out of your mind? Look at you, you're disgusting. You're bald, you're paunchy, all kinds of sounds are emanating from your body twenty-four hours a day. If there's a woman that can take your presence for more than ten consecutive seconds, you should hang on to her like grim death. Which is not far off, by the way.

  Uncle Leo : But she's an anti-Semite.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Can you blame her?

• George Costanza : Jerry? Jerry! I'm busting! I'm busting!

  Jerry Seinfeld : What's going on?

  George Costanza : My parents are moving to Florida!

  Jerry Seinfeld : Are you kidding?

  George Costanza : Can you believe it? It's happening! It's finally happening! I'm free!

  Jerry Seinfeld : Where are they moving to?

  George Costanza : Del Boca Vista

  Jerry Seinfeld : Del Boca Vista, that's where my parents are gonna live!

  George Costanza : I know!

  Jerry Seinfeld : We could visit together!

  George Costanza : Every five years!

  [Jerry and George high five each other] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : That's incredible!

  George Costanza : I know, I know and you know why they're moving there?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Why?

  George Costanza : To spite your parents!

• Cosmo Kramer : All right, now here's the lowdown. From a certain connection, I've been able to locate some black market shower heads. They're all made in the former Yugoslavia, and from what I hear the Serbs are fanatic about their showers.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Not from the footage I've seen.

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : You get to a certain point with your parents where, really, the only thing you can do with them is eat. You can't talk anymore, but you wanna at least try and keep your mouths moving. And they're so anxious for it, you know. You come in. "How was the plane? You must be hungry." You know, "How did you sleep? Ready for breakfast?" My mother will argue with me about what I like. "Can I have a piece of pumpkin pie? -- You don't like pumpkin pie. -- Yes, I do. -- Since when? -- What's the difference? Can I have it? -- No. I have never seen you eat a piece of pumpkin pie."