Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Statue (1991)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• George Costanza : Oh my god, it's exactly the same.

  Jerry Seinfeld : What?

  George Costanza : When I was 10 years old, my parents had this very same statue on the mantel of our apartment. Exactly. And one day, I grabbed it. I was using it as a microphone. I was singing "MacArthur Park", and I got to the part about "I'll never have the recipe again" and it slipped out of my hand and broke. My parents looked at me like I had smashed the Ten Commandments. To this day they bring it up, it was the single most damaging experience of my life, aside from seeing my father naked.

• Ray : What's behind this? It's Rava, isn't it? You want her.

  Jerry Seinfeld : No, she's a little too cheery for me.

• Jerry Seinfeld : [to Ray]  Shouldn't you be out on a ledge somewhere?

• Jerry Seinfeld : [pointing between George and Kramer]  Ink a dink, a bottle of ink, the cork fell out and you stink...

  [His finger lands on George, who makes a despairing motion] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : Not because you're dirty, not because you're clean, just because you kissed a girl behind a magazine...

  [His finger lands on Kramer, who laughs smugly. George knows what Jerry's going to do next] 

  Kramer : No, no...

  Jerry Seinfeld : [pointing at Kramer again]  And...

  Kramer : What? Wha- wait a minute! No, no...

  Jerry Seinfeld : You... are... it!

  [His finger lands on George] 

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : People are going to steal from you. You can't stop them. But everybody has their own little personal security things. Things that they think will foil the crooks, you know. In your own mind, right? You go to the beach, go in the water. Put your wallet in the sneaker. Who's gonna know? What criminal mind could penetrate this fortress of security? "I tied a bow. They can't get through that." "I put the wallet down by the toe of the sneaker. They never look there. They check the heel, they move on."