The Simpsons (TV Series)

Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? (1992)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Blue-Haired Lawyer, Homeless Man #2, Newsreader, Gomer Pyle, Barney Gumble, Homeless Man #3, Baby Representative

Photos 

Quotes 

• Doctor : This can't be right. This man has 104% body fat.

  [he looks and sees Homer eating a drumstick] 

  Doctor : Hey, no eating in the tank!

  Homer Simpson : Go to hell.

• Mr. Burns : Before you begin, let me make one thing clear to you. I want your legal advice, I even pay for it.

  [building] 

  Mr. Burns : But to me you're all vipers! You live on personal injury, you live on divorces, you live on pain and misery...!

  [calms down] 

  Mr. Burns : But I'm rambling. Anybody want any coffee?

  Blue Haired Lawyer : I'll have some coffee.

  Mr. Burns : Want it black, don't you? Black like your heart! It's so hard for me to listen to you...

  [shouts] 

  Mr. Burns : I hate you all so much!

  [calms down] 

  Mr. Burns : I'm sorry, it's my problem, I'll deal with it. Please continue.

  Blue Haired Lawyer : If you offer Mr. Simpson a token sum, say a couple of thou, he'll be so dazzled he'll sign anything you shove under his nose.

  Mr. Burns : Oh, brilliant! A cash settlement...

  [shouts] 

  Mr. Burns : I could have figured that out, you buttoned-down maggot!

  Blue Haired Lawyer : Do you have any cream?

  Mr. Burns : Oh yes, of course. Where are my manners?

• Homer Simpson : Herb, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew two thousand bucks on it, when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks.

  Herb : Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?

  Homer Simpson : I try, but I can't.

• [Herb is losing at Monopoly] 

  Herb : [aggravated]  That's all I got!

  Homer : [laughing]  Broke again, eh Herb? Just like in real life. I guess you're just not much of a businessman.

  [Herb punches Homer] 

• Herb : [rings Simpsons' bell]  Now, what do I do? I mean, this is the guy who ruined me. Then again, he's my brother... So many conflicting emotions. How to express them?

  Homer : [opens door]  Herb.

  [Herb punches him in the face] 

• [Homer is moping about his broken couch] 

  Joe Frazier : I know how you feel, Homer. You lost your couch. I lost the heavyweight championship.

  Homer Simpson : [scoffs]  Heavyweight championship... there's like three of those! That couch was one of a kind.

• Herb : [referring to himself]  How would you like to spend $2,000 to give a broken man a second chance?

  Homer : Nah.

• Herb : Let me show you this.

  [Herb sets a drinking bird mechanism on the table] 

  Homer : [amazed]  It's drinking the water!

  Herb : Take it easy, Homer. Now, this device shows how a product, carefully marketed...

  Homer : This is the greatest invention in the world! You'll make a million dollars!

  Herb : No, Homer, that invention is out already. Anyway ...

  Homer : [chuckling]  Heheheheh, it's going back for more!

• Marge Simpson : How was work today?

  Homer Simpson : Oh, the usual. Stand in front of this, open that, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough... .

• [sitting in a vibrating massage chair] 

  Homer : Now excuse me while I kiss the sky.

• Herb : [about to meet Homer again]  What do I say to this guy? This is the guy who ruined me! On the other hand, he's family. So many emotions, how do I express them?

  Homer Simpson : [Opens the door and sees Herb]  Herb?

  [Herb punches him across the face, and Homer collapses to the ground] 

• Homer : Alright, Herb, we'll give you the money. But you have to forgive me and treat me like a brother.

  Herb : Nope.

  Homer : Okay, then just give me the drinking bird.

• Bart , Lisa : Unky Herb!

  Herb : [hugging them]  Bart! Lisa! I'm so happy to see you.

  Homer : [rubbing his cheek]  You weren't so happy to see me.

  Herb : I'm sorry. Homer, but I'm still mad at you. Everything you say just makes me want to punch you in the face!

  Homer : Well, while you're a guest in my house, could you just kick me in the butt?

  Herb : I'll try, but I'm not making any promises.