The Simpsons (TV Series)
Homer's Barbershop Quartet (1993)
Hank Azaria: Moe Szyslak, Man Selling Malibu Stacey, Customer at Car Boot Sale, Comic Book Guy, Chief Wiggum, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Old Jewish Man, Snake, Captain McCallister, Reporter #2, Man Below Balcony, Carl, Lou
Photos
Quotes
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Barney's Girlfriend : I would like a single plum floating in perfume and served in a man's hat.
Moe Szyslak : Sure.
[serves drink]
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Additional Voices : Apu, there are rumors that you are a Hindu. Is this true?
Apu : By the many arms of Vishnu, I swear it is a lie.
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[the "Baby on Board" lyrics]
Homer , Apu , Principal Skinner , Barney : Baby on Board/How I've adored/That sign on my car's window pane/The bounce in my step/loaded with pep/'cause I'm driving in the carpool lane/Call me a square/Friend, I don't care/That little yellow sign can't be ignored/I'm telling you, it's mighty nice/Each trip's a trip to paradise/With my baby on board!
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Abe Simpson : That's my son up there.
Old Jewish Man : What, the balding fat-ass?
Abe Simpson : Um, no, the, er, Hindu guy.
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[after Johnny Carson makes a joke about him, Clancy fires his gun at the television several times, without hitting it]
Sarah Wiggum : Clancy, use the remote!
Chief Wiggum : I can't find it.
Sarah Wiggum : Well, check your holster.
Chief Wiggum : [looks] Oh, yeah.
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Principal Skinner : Only one question remains, gentlemen. What do we call ourselves?
Nigel : How about... Handsome Homer Simpson Plus Three?
Barney : I like it!
Principal Skinner : Uh...
Apu : Wait, I do not.
Principal Skinner : No, we need a name that's witty at first, but that seems less funny each time you hear it.
Apu : How about the Be Sharps?
Principal Skinner : [they all laugh] Perfect.
Homer : The Be Sharps.
Principal Skinner : The Be Sharps.
Barney , Apu , Nigel : [putting their hands together] The Be Sharps.
Chief Wiggum : The Be Sharps.
[they all glower at him]
Chief Wiggum : Ha, ha, ha. Heh, heh, Well, you can't blame a guy for trying. Heh, heh... heh. Aw, you're all under arrest.
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Homer : It was one lousy applicant after another. And then...
Barney : [from the bathroom in Moe's] Over in Killarney/So many years ago...
Apu : Such a voice.
Principal Skinner : Who is that?
Barney : Me mother sang this song to me/In tones so soft and...
[he belches]
Homer , Principal Skinner , Apu : Barney!
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Lou : [watching the Be Sharps perform on the roof of Moe's] Pretty, huh, Chief?
Chief Wiggum : It sure is, Lou. It sure is. Get the tear gas.
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Squeaky-Voiced Teen : Here's that champagne you ordered, Mr. Simpson.
Homer : Oh, thanks.
[handing over his Grammy in lieu of a tip]
Homer : Here.
Squeaky-Voiced Teen : Wow! An award statue! Oh... it's a Grammy.
Man Below Balcony : [tossing it over the balcony, it hits someone on the deck below] Hey, don't throw your garbage down here.
[throwing it back, it hits Homer in the head]
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Moe Szyslak : Hey, those girls you paid to scream are doing a great job.
Nigel : I didn't pay any girls to scream.
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Nigel : Homer, I'm a theatrical agent. And I want to represent your group.
Homer : Really?
Nigel : Yeah. You've got "it". All except that police officer. Yech! Too Village People. You have to replace him.
Homer : Just leave it to me.
Chief Wiggum : [later, in Homer's car, sticking his head out the window like a dog] Where are we goin'? Where are we goin'?
Homer : [stopping and opening the door] Run along, boy. You're free now!
Chief Wiggum : [as he gets out, Homer speeds away] No! No!
[baying like a wolf to the full moon]
Chief Wiggum : Nooooo!
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Homer : [returning to the power plant after the Be Sharps break up] Hey, fellas, I'm back.
Carl : Oh, that's great. Your replacement was getting tired.
[a chicken sits at Homer's station, pecking at buttons]
Carl : Hey, Queenie, you can go now.
Homer : I'll give her a good home.
[back in the present, he pats his stomach]
Homer : And I did. I'll never forget my five and a half weeks at the top.
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Lisa Simpson : Wow! An original Malibu Stacey from 1958.
[picking the toy up and seeing its perky, pointy breasts]
Lisa Simpson : Ooh.
Man Selling Malibu Stacey : Yeah, they took her off the market after some kid put both his eyes out.
Lisa Simpson : Oh, my.
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Apu : [after the Be-Sharps have broken up, Apu goes back to work at the Kwik-E-Mart] Well, it may not pay much, but at least it's good, honest work.
Kwik-E-Mart Customer : How much for this expired carton of milk?
Apu : Twelve dollars!
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[as the Be-Sharps re-unite]
Principal Skinner : I can't remember the last time we were all together.
Apu : Last year, on that stupid Dame Edna special.
