The Simpsons (TV Series)
Homer's Barbershop Quartet (1993)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Couch Gag Director, Mayor Quimby, Barney Gumble, Grampa, Groundskeeper Willie, Reporter #1, Panicking Man, Joan Rivers, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Human Fly, Newspaper Customer
Photos
Quotes
-
George Harrison : Hello, Homer, I'm George Harrison.
Homer : Oh, my God! Oh my God! Where did you get that brownie?
George Harrison : [indicating a nearby table] Over there. There's a big pile of them.
Homer : [eating them ravenously] Oh, man.
George Harrison : Wow, what a nice fellow.
-
[the Be Sharps are performing the Statue of Liberty's 100th anniversary 4th of July concert in New York City in 1986]
Homer : This next song is dedicated to a very special lady. She's 100 years old and weighs over 200... tons.
Panicking Man : This enormous lady will devour us all!
[Screams and jumps into the ocean]
Homer : I meant the statue!
-
Homer : [trying to write a song, Homer is inspired by a "Baby on Board" car sign] Hmmm, Baby on Board. Baby on Board, something something Burt Ward... this thing writes itself!
-
Lisa Simpson : I can't believe you're not still popular.
Bart : What'd you do, screw up like the Beatles and say you were bigger than Jesus?
Homer : All the time. It was the title of our second album.
-
Barney : David Crosby? You're my hero.
David Crosby : Oh, you like my music?
Barney : You're a musician?
-
[the "Baby on Board" lyrics]
Homer , Apu , Principal Skinner , Barney : Baby on Board/How I've adored/That sign on my car's window pane/The bounce in my step/loaded with pep/'cause I'm driving in the carpool lane/Call me a square/Friend, I don't care/That little yellow sign can't be ignored/I'm telling you, it's mighty nice/Each trip's a trip to paradise/With my baby on board!
-
Abe Simpson : That's my son up there.
Old Jewish Man : What, the balding fat-ass?
Abe Simpson : Um, no, the, er, Hindu guy.
-
Homer Simpson : I'd like to thank you on behalf of the group, and I hope we passed the audition.
[Everyone laughs]
Barney Gumble : [stops laughing] I don't get it.
-
Lisa Simpson : Wow, look at all this Be Sharps merchandise. Lunch boxes, coffee mugs, funny foam.
[squirts the funny foam on Homer]
Homer : They took the foam off the market because they found out it was poisonous, but if you ask me, if you're dumb enough to eat it, you deserve to die.
[looks over at Bart who's eating the foam]
Homer : Bart!
Bart : [with a mouth full of foam] What?
-
Homer : We were about to learn an iron law of show business: what goes up must come down.
Lisa Simpson : What about Bob Hope? He's been consistently popular for over 50 years.
Bart : So's Sinatra.
Homer : Well, anyway, we were all getting tired of...
Lisa Simpson : Dean Martin still packs 'em in.
Bart : Ditto Tom Jones.
Homer : Shut up!
-
Marge Simpson : [leaving the swap meet, dismayed] Nobody bought a wishbone necklace.
Homer : Well, one of us made some money. I sold a guy our spare tire.
[the driver's side tire blows out]
Homer : D'oh!
-
Principal Skinner : Only one question remains, gentlemen. What do we call ourselves?
Nigel : How about... Handsome Homer Simpson Plus Three?
Barney : I like it!
Principal Skinner : Uh...
Apu : Wait, I do not.
Principal Skinner : No, we need a name that's witty at first, but that seems less funny each time you hear it.
Apu : How about the Be Sharps?
Principal Skinner : [they all laugh] Perfect.
Homer : The Be Sharps.
Principal Skinner : The Be Sharps.
Barney , Apu , Nigel : [putting their hands together] The Be Sharps.
Chief Wiggum : The Be Sharps.
[they all glower at him]
Chief Wiggum : Ha, ha, ha. Heh, heh, Well, you can't blame a guy for trying. Heh, heh... heh. Aw, you're all under arrest.
-
Homer : It was one lousy applicant after another. And then...
Barney : [from the bathroom in Moe's] Over in Killarney/So many years ago...
Apu : Such a voice.
Principal Skinner : Who is that?
Barney : Me mother sang this song to me/In tones so soft and...
[he belches]
Homer , Principal Skinner , Apu : Barney!
-
Homer : [after hearing "Baby On Board" could be a hit] Wait'll I tell Marge.
Nigel : Oh, yes. Bouffant Betty. Well, I would prefer we kept your marriage a secret. You see, a lot of women are going to want to have sex with you, and, uh, we want them to think they can.
Homer : Well, if I explain it to Marge that way, I'm sure she'll understand.
[at the house, Marge cries into her pillow]
Homer : [trying to comfort her] Come on, honey. It'll only be 'til we finish our tour of Sweden.
-
Mayor Quimby : [to his protection detail] Human roaches, feeding off each other's garbage. The only thing you can't buy here is dignity.
[tapping his microphone to get people's attention]
Mayor Quimby : Welcome, swappers, to the Springfield Swap Meet! Ich bin ein Springfield Swap Meet patron.
[polite applause]
Mayor Quimby : [covering the mic] I need a drink and a shower.
-
Squeaky-Voiced Teen : Here's that champagne you ordered, Mr. Simpson.
Homer : Oh, thanks.
[handing over his Grammy in lieu of a tip]
Homer : Here.
Squeaky-Voiced Teen : Wow! An award statue! Oh... it's a Grammy.
Man Below Balcony : [tossing it over the balcony, it hits someone on the deck below] Hey, don't throw your garbage down here.
[throwing it back, it hits Homer in the head]
-
Nigel : Homer, I'm a theatrical agent. And I want to represent your group.
Homer : Really?
Nigel : Yeah. You've got "it". All except that police officer. Yech! Too Village People. You have to replace him.
Homer : Just leave it to me.
Chief Wiggum : [later, in Homer's car, sticking his head out the window like a dog] Where are we goin'? Where are we goin'?
Homer : [stopping and opening the door] Run along, boy. You're free now!
Chief Wiggum : [as he gets out, Homer speeds away] No! No!
[baying like a wolf to the full moon]
Chief Wiggum : Nooooo!
-
Homer : [returning to the power plant after the Be Sharps break up] Hey, fellas, I'm back.
Carl : Oh, that's great. Your replacement was getting tired.
[a chicken sits at Homer's station, pecking at buttons]
Carl : Hey, Queenie, you can go now.
Homer : I'll give her a good home.
[back in the present, he pats his stomach]
Homer : And I did. I'll never forget my five and a half weeks at the top.
-
Homer : Ooh, five cents each.
[throwing away a copy of the Declaration of Independence]
Homer : Junk.
[throwing away an Action Comics #1, the first appearance of Superman]
Homer : Junk.
[picking up a book of stamps]
Homer : The airplane's upside down.
[picking up a signed violin]
Homer : Stradi-who-vius?
-
Human Fly : [the one-off Be Sharps reunion takes attention away from him] Hello! Human fly here. Come on! I stayed up all night dyeing my underwear.
-
Marge Simpson : [hearing "Baby on Board" on the radio] Homer, you're going to be famous.
Homer : Yeah, but I'm not gonna let it change our lives. I'll be the same loving father I've always been.
Marge Simpson : Hmm, have you seen Bart?
Homer : I stuck him somewhere.
-
Paul Harvey : ...and that little boy who nobody liked grew up to be... Roy Cohn!
Abe Simpson , Jasper : Wow!
-
Bart : [after Homer tells his family about his barbershop quartet] Man, that's some story!
Lisa Simpson : But there are still a few things I don't get. Like, how come we never heard about this until today?
Bart : Yeah. And what happened to the money you made?
Lisa Simpson : Why haven't you hung up your gold records?
Bart : Since when could you write a song?
Homer : [laughs] There are perfectly good answers to those questions, but they'll have to wait for another night. Now off to bed!
[Bart and Lisa leave the room]
-
Homer Simpson : Every afternoon at Moe's, Chief Wiggum, Principal Skinner, Apu and I would get together and sing, and the crowds went *wild*.
