- Bart Simpson: Come on, man, everyone knows the first day of school is a total wank.
- Principal Skinner: Well, if by "wank" you mean educational fun, then stand back it's wanking time!
- Krusty the Clown: It's not important to talk about who got rich off of whom, or who got exposed to tainted what...
- [after learning Homer can't make it to her final meet because he's after the tasty ribwich sandwich]
- Lisa: Dad, this is my moment in the sun. How can you miss it to be with a sandwich?
- Principal Skinner: [an announcement made in front of the entire school] Due to budget cuts we had to sell the plastic skeleton and replace it with this Halloween costume. Also, the class trip to Italy is now "Spaghetti Night" in the school cafeteria, and your $1500 deposit is non refundable. Goodnight!
- Moe Szyslak: Come on, dimples. Spell something else for us.
- Lisa: I'm a little tired.
- Moe Szyslak: Oh come on. Hey, spell "Little Miss She-Thinks-She's-So-Big."
- Lisa: Ugh, very well. L-I-T-T-L-E M-I-S-S...
- Moe Szyslak: ...I ain't got time for this. I got a bar to run.
- George Plimpton: Lisa, competitive spelling has fallen on hard times. Today's students would rather watch Ozzy Osbourne. "Look at me, I'm a drug addict. Ho, ho, ho."
- Lisa: Some of us still enjoy scripted comedy, sir.
- George Plimpton: That's a good girl.